As I continue in this world single in my 40s soon to be 50s, I cannot help but wonder about the men  I am meeting and why nothing goes forward with any of them.

One thing is I am not desperate or needy so I am not chasing anyone. They have to put forth the effort or nothing is happening. A year ago, even less than that, it was not that way. I was making first moves, I was texting a guy if I was interested, sometimes too much, probably but now, if I don’t hear from them, I pretty much forget about them or occasionally wonder how they are doing. I do wonder if what I want is too much to ask.

I want a man that is attentive but not clingy.

I want a man that wants to be with me but is not obsessive.

I want a man that is ready for a relationship and is over his last one.

I want a man that has time for a relationship.

Ii want a man that thinks about me a lot but doesn’t need to text or call me every five minutes. I also want to think about him a lot but not feel the need to text him continuously.

I want a man that is comfortable if I don’t respond to a text immediately.

I want a man that I can trust.  I want a man that trusts me.

I want a man that takes care of himself but not one that has to look perfect all the time.

I want a man that thinks I am beautiful with or without doing my hair or makeup but appreciates it when i take the effort to do so. I guarantee when he dresses up and puts in the extra effort, I will appreciate that.

I want a man that can and will put me first (except in front of his children).

If he has children, I want him to be a good dad and have a good relationship with his children.

I want a man that can accept my kids and possibly grow to love them.

I want a man that is not afraid to show his emotions. Crying is NOT a weakness and real men DO cry.

I want a man that loves to be active but also is fine with sitting still and cuddling on the sofa for a night.

I want a man that wants to go out and play sometimes, more than just a movie.

I want a man that appreciates the finer things in life but is not a snob about it.

I want a man that is not embarrassed or concerned about appearances. I live in a double wide. It is a nice double wide on 3 1/2 acres in the Colorado Rockies. My ex-husband was embarrassed that is wasn’t a stick built home. I never understood that. I don’t need to look good to others. I may not live here forever, in fact, I probably won’t but it should not embarrass someone.

I want a man that can be silly but is also a grown up. You can’t be silly all the time.

I want a man that is a hard worker but knows that life is more than chores.

I want a man that is reliable and punctual. I want to be able to count on him to do what he says when. I am like that, I deserve the same.

I want a man that is not afraid too try new things.

I want a man that doesn’t need to be saved or fixed.

I want a gentleman but not a chauvinist.  Hold the doors, walk closer  to the cars on the street, give me flowers but also  be willing to let me be a strong independent woman and not try to control me.

I want a man that will want to know the real me and will let me know him.

I want a man that I can have intelligent conversations with and debate rationally if we disagree with each others views.  We can learn from each other that way.

I want a man that will spoil me from time to time. If he does, I will spoil him, too.

I want a man that will truly listen to and hear me and try to understand me.

I want a man that is willing to work through hard times and knows that love is worth it though not always easy.

I want a man that understands that a relationship will have its ups and downs and that you don’t always like each other but with hard work love can persevere. Love is a choice.

I want a man with intelligence. Formal education is not necessary to be intelligent.

Of course, I want the little things, good hygiene, teeth, job. It would be nice to have a man that likes to read, enjoys wine and beer, concerts, festivals, live music, dancing, football, motorcycles, skiing, hiking and is a nerd but none of those are necessary.

I want a non-religious and a progressive or liberal minded man.

I want a man that I can love that will love me. I want us to grow old together and be that cute old couple.  I guess I am too picky. Maybe not, only time will tell. Does this man exist? I am doubtful.

 

 

So my last post I mentioned a fun date that I had with the Canadian. We were supposed to go out the next night. He was going to take me out to dinner. I didn’t hear from him all day on Monday, the date day, so at four I texted him and asked if we were still on. I got off work at six and have a forty minute drive home. Six came and went so I got in my car to drive home. I refuse to beg anyone for attention again. I didn’t text or call him. At 6:35, he texted me that the had been at the doctor and had strep and a bad ear infection and that he would love to take me out later in the week. Well, guess what? Today is Saturday and I had heard nothing. I debated between texting him or ignoring him. The smart ass in me decided to text him this morning. I told him that I hoped he felt better and since I hadn’t heard from him all week he was either dead or had decided that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I know, that was terrible but I had to say something. I wasn’t mad or even that disappointed. I truly feel that I am fine and if someone doesn’t want to make the effort, I do not want them in my life. Of course, he texted back and said that he has been down all week (which can happen) and that he does want to talk to and see me again.

I don’t know how I feel now. The part of me that doesn’t trust, wants to tell him to get lost because he is probably lying and just didn’t want to make me a priority. Then there is the part of me that wants to trust and hates to think I could throw away a good guy because he was sick.

I hate dating…….

I have been absent for so long. I have been reading but honestly have had no time to write in weeks. I have been enjoying having the boy home from college and was also out of town for almost a week. I actually thought I would have time to write on the trip but I had absolutely no down time. I am hoping that things have settled down and I can start writing again at least once a week. Obviously, I am not going to talk about everything that has happened while gone so I will start with my latest first date.

I saw this guy on Plenty of Fish. He had an interesting profile and a great smile so I sent him a message. We talked for a couple of days and I took the bull by the horns and asked him if he wanted to meet. I am so tired of waiting for men to make the first move. We had a date set up for that upcoming Sunday which was also a huge event in our town. I had things to do prior to the date but I looked absolutely adorable. It was one of those times when you leave the house and you feel GOOD!!! I ran my errands and then was in town a bit early so I decided to go have a beer while I was waiting. I ran into a friend of mine and we were watching the local event when I got a text from the new guy- The Canadian. He was cancelling an hour prior to the date. After having three other men do that in the last year, I was a bit pissed. My friend and I ended up hanging out and I had a pity date. We had a good time but I was debating whether or not to give the new guy a second chance. He was very persistent and hopeful so I decided I would.  We went out the nigh before my trip and he is super sweet. I did not touch a door all night. He was quite a gentleman. He was well groomed, very polite, we had a lot in common. His teeth aren’t great but no one is perfect. When the date ended, we both had expressed our interest in having another date and that will be tomorrow night.

He has dual citizenship. Been married once, no kids, loves animals, liberal. We will have to see if there is anything there. Stay tuned……..

 

After I became single again, I was quite surprised to have so many YOUNG men hit on me. At first I was pretty horrified as was my eldest daughter. We would go out and guys her age would hit on me. She did not understand and would be hurt. I came to the conclusion after several events that there were a few reasons. The first is that they knew that I wasn’t going to be looking for a  relationship with them and she might. Another reason was given to me by several men that I know and that is I have a confidence that she doesn’t have. At first, I was very resistant to any man more than a few years younger, though I am a young forty nine. No one ever believes that I am the age that I am. After dating or going out on quite a few dates in four years, I have realized that most men older than me are too old. I have been mostly dating men five to eight years younger. I did go out with one man about ten years younger and he was SO YOUNG but then went out with another guy the same age and it wasn’t an issue. Men, so often, date women much younger. Why is there a double standard for women. I like men. I am still attracted to young men and some are attracted to me. They  are always surprised when they find out I am almost fifty. I can keep up with them in activities. I am fit. I am not grey and have few wrinkles. I am aging well. I have had  many men around my age mention how much older they are than me. Is there really an issue for a woman to date a much younger man. If they are both consenting adults, why is there a double standard?

I am not really looking to get involved with someone much younger but am  wondering about this from others views. The young ones are fun to flirt with though, I do admit that.

without the dating sites. I tried the traditional way of meeting men and managed to go on ONE date and it wasn’t good. I am starting to wonder if I am doomed to be alone. I have met so many wonderful men in the past four years but no one that our feelings are mutual. I have been spending so much time with R lately and know that I have to start looking elsewhere. He cannot love me (or admit he does). I hate for either of us to move on because I will miss him terribly if we quit seeing each other BUT I have got to try. Of course, we were matched again on line. We are so good together but as much as I want to be okay with things the way they are indefinitely, I cannot. I eventually want to be loved again and to love again. I eventually want to be in a relationship again. I want to grow old with someone. I want to be with someone daily. I want to wake up with someone. I want to eat with someone. I want to go to bed with someone. Is that too much to ask? I am starting to think so, at least with the dating pool that I have here. This is one of the major drawbacks or being in a small town. My dating profile says no long distance men and that is realistic because I do not want to move and do not want anyone to move for me.

I have been on POF and OKCupid again for one week and it is mostly the same men that were there three years ago when I went on the first time. There are occasional new men but not many. I am looking for a non-theist and non-conservative. Maybe I am too picky. I keep having men that live far away or religious men contact me. They do not even read the damn profiles but how the hell am I supposed to meet men otherwise. I keep trying but everyone I meet is either way young or married. There are two police officers that I get along with well but both are married. There is a fun photographer in town but he is very religious. R won’t love me. The Banker….. well, who knows with him. There are several men in town that flirt with me constantly but there are issues with all of them. One I met online a few  years ago. He is a lot of fun but is an alcoholic that has a reputation with women that is not great. I like him as a friend but am not attracted to him and even if I was, I would be concerned about his past. It is a bit violent and he is still drinking.

I have had a few of the men I have met in the past send me messages on the dating site telling me that they hope I am doing well and what I good person or woman that I am. I deleted all but one. The rafter that I mentioned in my last post. I actually asked him out again but he hasn’t responded. I sure wish we could hang out occasionally. He is so damn much fun.

I am  not going to pay for either of the sites right now but will be on them and hope that maybe I can meet someone again. I think maybe our town is way too small for me to  meet anyone the traditional way. No one new at my Meetups. No one old enough at game nights. I am going to try geek trivia night and see but my guess is they will all be young, too.

The other day as I was walking around town writing tickets, my thoughts kept going to the various men that I have met since my divorce. Some have brought lots of joy, some not so much. I have gone on a lot of first dates, several multiple dates, and even tried relationships with a couple of men. I was thinking about the effect they have had on my current life, my views on dating, my views on love, my mistakes with them, their mistakes with me. It can be very interesting when you spend most of your day alone. You have a lot of time to think.

There have been a few men that I barely remember meeting. I wouldn’t recognize them if I saw them again. Obviously, they didn’t make much of an impression and we only went on one date. There are a couple that made enough of an impression that I remember the date and why I didn’t like the guys. I don’t remember their names or what they look like.

There are a few that almost became special. They are the If Only’s……The builder was the first one that I dated. It was too early for both of us. He was going through his divorce. He is a wonderful man, that unfortunately is an alcoholic. We have remained friends. The Mechanic was a perfect gentleman but took it too far (to the point of being chauvinistic) and closed off to his emotions. Our last date we saw The Fault in Our Stars and he told  me that men don’t cry and that is why he didn’t at the movie. We do not have anything to do with each other now. The Engineer….oh how he makes smile. I think we would have really given it a go if he hadn’t lived on the other side of the mountain-300 miles away. We had a few months together meeting halfway between for the weekends when we could. We had so much fun together. We have remained friends. The raft guide was so much fun and I just wan’t ready yet. I blew that one. I think he really liked me but I was needing so much more than was healthy. I was clingy and felt insecure when he didn’t want to be with me all the time. I wish we had met later. I would give us a try again if he were willing. We talk when we see each other. I wish we could be at least friends.  I actually miss him a lot and think of him often.  Of course, there was the one I called Mr Perfect. I wrote about him this past fall. He became clingy way too fast. I wish all these men happiness and wonder IF with a few of them.

Then, of course, there is the ex-bf. I don’t think I was ready yet but he was so good for me. He truly taught me to love again and that I was lovable. He and I are still close and as much as it hurt to lose him, I will never regret our time together. R is wonderful. I have no idea what the future holds. I do know that he is still looking.

 

I heard this song on the way home this morning. Stayed with R as he was sick. I hate being alone when sick. The words resonated with me. I think so many of us feel the same way. We want to admit love but we are scared of it. I am sure I have heard this song before but with music, it hits us differently at different stages of our lives.

I don’t know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I’ve been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I’ve seen myself,

I seem like someone else.
I don’t know how to take this.
I don’t see why he moves me.
He’s a man. He’s just a man.

And I’ve had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He’s just one more.
Should I bring him down?

Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I’d come to this.

What’s it all about?
Don’t you think it’s rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I’m the one who’s always been

So calm, so cool, no lover’s fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I’d come to this.

What’s it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I’d be lost. I’d be frightened.
I couldn’t cope, just couldn’t cope.

I’d turn my head. I’d back away.
I wouldn’t want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.

Read more: Andrew Lloyd Webber – I Don’t Know How To Love Him Lyrics | MetroLyrics