So many of my male friends are shocked by the #metoo stories and how many women they know with stories. Somany of them are asking what they can or should do, this is a good read regarding this.

 

#MeToo testimonies are flooding our social media feeds. For men, realizing complicity can be uncomfortable. On seeing this discomfort as a challenge.

Source: For Guys Reading #MeToo Testimonies — Courtney Martin | On Being

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I adore ice cream guy when I am with him but when I am not, I am constantly trying to talk myself out of liking him. I know in my head that he is not the right guy long term and it stinks. We so enjoy our time together BUT he is the most unsocial person that I know. He won’t even consider going to my game nights with me.  I thought it was just because he isn’t a gamer but then he also won’t even consider going to Rocky Horror Live. Again, I figured Rocky wasn’t his thing. I then invited him to a party for Halloween and he also said no, not his thing. He doesn’t like things with crowds or small talk. I spent the last ten years of my marriage wanting to do things and the ex wouldn’t. I am now comfortable doing things by myself but do I want to forever? No, not really. We did discuss this a little and I think we both know this  is a long term problem

He also is more broke than I am. I am not looking for a sugar daddy or a man to support me but one that can afford to do something occasionally would be nice. He also doesn’t seem to follow through on things. We were supposed to go on a trip to Moab. I told him that I wanted to go on a trip and he said that would be fun and asked if he could come along. I thought that would be great. Since he  knows the area, he started looking for a place to stay and we talked about options a few times. The trip was supposed to be last weekend. We didn’t go anywhere. We were supposed to go ice skating today. I asked him to find out when the open skate was since it was something that he really wanted to do. He checked less than an hour before it started. I live 45 minutes away so that was unable to be there. It is now seven PM on Saturday night and I am home alone. This is my third weekend in a row not doing anything. He did come over last Friday night but except for a few minutes after work a couple of nights this week, I haven’t had any time with him since. I guess I was seeing something that wasn’t there. I haven’t even heard from him since I told him that tomorrows time is not good for me. I wish he wasn’t so great when we are together but I know I need more than he is currently giving me. I don’t know if he will ever be willing or able to give me more.

In the mean time, I am receiving text from other men wanting to spend time with me, including BF/ex-bf. We actually had a night out last night. We talked about US. He is wanting to spend time together again.I had to tell him that I cannot let myself fall in love with him again if he cannot love me. He asked me why I said that. I think he is truly thinking about trying again. I will always love him. He has never hurt me. I trust him implicitly. My kids love him. He is part of the family. I am terrified to give us a chance again and told him so. I did stay with him last night and we snuggled all night. It felt like being home.

I think that I am going to stick with being single for a while and just see what happens. I really don’t want to answer to anyone or have anyone have any control of me and my activities. It is easier to be alone and make my own decisions an just enjoy my life with whom I want to be with when  want to be with them. I actually thought that there was hope with the ice cream guy and I am really disappointed that I was wrong but I would rather learn that now than after I am fully invested in him. Time to move on again.

I’ll never forget April 20th, 1999.

Source: Thoughts on Vegas, and Why Men Keep Doing This – Be Yourself

This is a real good read on what is going on with men in our society. I highly recommend The Mankind Project to help our men.

I get asked on a regular basis how awful my job is. People are always surprised when I tell them that it is actually a great job. There are so many reasons that I love my job. I get paid to walk around my favorite town in the world and I get paid to exercise. I walk about ten miles a day. I get to meet so many interesting people. I get to pet dogs all the time. I know everything that is going on in my town. There are so many things that I love about my job. I cannot put them all down as I am always thinking of more. One thing that is consistently wonderful is seeing random acts of kindness.

Yesterday, I had a incident that is not all that uncommon but I am going to share this particular one. I had started to write a ticket on a truck that was obviously a tourist. This man and woman are walking down the street. When they get past me and see the truck I am writing the ticket for, the guy asks very nicely if he can save that guy from a ticket. I tell him yes and thank you and that I love seeing these things. A while later, I am in the same location, I start to write a ticket at the car next to the original truck when they come out to leave. They talk to me a bit and I tell them that someone had paid their meter earlier when I was writing them a ticket. She immediately asks if she can save the car that I am working on to pay it forward. Of course, I said yes and I felt so good.

In this world of so much bad news every day, I see these small things every day. It gives me hope in human beings and definitely can improve my mood if I am not in a great one.

We all have our baggage and as we get older, we usually have more. Ice Cream Guy and I got together last night and we are fine. We talked a little about what happened and I realized that his reaction was from his baggage. My reaction was from my baggage. We both realize that our issues are our own. I am happy to try to continue with him. I really like him and enjoy being with him. This has made me think a lot about relationships though. I am fifty, he is fifty one. We both have been married. We had very different childhoods. We have both tried to deal with our issues in our lives.

In relationships, we have two imperfect people trying to find a way to be a couple that works together. We have to honestly look at the other person and their baggage and see what we can live with. We also have to look at ourselves and try to get past our baggage. In order to do this, we have to be honest with ourselves AND our partner. We can have very different baggage and make it work IF we can communicate and respect each others differences. That is what the Ice Cream Guy and I are going to try to do. I know understand his actions the other night and I also understand myself and why I reacted so badly. He retreats when stressed. That was probably how he protected himself as a child. He told me that he knows that I deserved better. I tend to get over emotional and insecure and anxious. I have a fear of being abandoned and not loved. We both acted in what is normal for us. I have to know in the future how he is and not take it personally and he has to try and reassure me before he completely retreats that we are fine.

We have survived our first bump. It really had nothing to do with me.

I am reading this book Never Let Go. It is a book on weight lifting and fitness. It was given to me by the ex-con before he moved to Phoenix. It is a good book that is helping me remember some of my old weightlifting knowledge and is teaching me more on it and diet. Things have changed a bit since I was a lifter in the 80s.

The chapter last night was talking about warm-ups and he ended up stating that the warm-up should actually be something important to your workout. For instance, if you are working hard on pull ups, to make that part of your warm up. He ended up stating this quote “If it is important, do it every day. If it’s not important, don’t do it at all.”  WOW!!! Is that true in all aspects of life. He even went on to say that. He said to make sure to tell your loved ones that you love them every day and he gave other things in every day life that he thought it pertained to. I think this is going to be my motto in life for a while. Since the divorce it basically has been to have fun but lately I have been focusing so much on my fitness and myself in other ways.

So, what is important to me? Telling my friends and family that I love them. Working out- specifically my core. Eating well. Reading. Working my brain- puzzles, working on foreign language, etc. Of course, the things we all have to do, pay bills, work, chores but life shouldn’t be all about those things. Other things are important in our lives. I think the physical one that I am going to add is planks. I was doing them and push ups daily until I got my bowflex and now I have been doing lifting. The planks have been neglected and are such an important and good exercise for the core. I need to do those BEFORE I get on the bowflex every morning.  The brain activities are to help prevent Alzheimers. It also helps that I do enjoy those things. I have been using an app to learn Spanish for a bit and do lots of puzzles and games that use your brain. I do not like the ones like Angry Birds, I prefer to THINK..

I would love to hear from my readers what they think is important. What are you going to do every day? I may add more to mine, in fact, I probably will.

I am trying so hard to not be negative and not distrust but it is so hard for me.

Ice Cream guy and I were supposed to be together on Friday night. I have a friend that I occasionally go out with for drinks on Friday night.  Two weeks ago, I didn’t join him and his wife (also a good friend) to be with ice cream man. I haven’t hung out with this friend in a while and wanted to catch up. I asked ice cream guy if he would mind us joining the other friend for a short while. If he had said no, I would have been okay with it. He doesn’t drink but has also told me that he is regularly a DD for his friends and was okay in bars. He had met my friend briefly a couple of weeks ago and wanted them to get to know each other, The other guy (Coke dealer) and I have been friends for 31 years. I met him and his wife before they knew each other at the same time.  We have maintained this friendship. Our families are close. He is like a brother to me. He looks out for me and my kids and I am there for him and his family. I didn’t want to stay long but thought it would go okay. Boy, was I wrong.

I had thought the wife was coming also until the last minute. She ended up going to one of their kids as she was in crisis AGAIN. Ice Cream guy shows up, the guys talk for a minute but my guy is very quiet. Coke guy goes to restroom and ice cream guy says this isn’t his scene and was very cold. Friend came back, ice cream guy leaves minutes later and won’t talk to me. I freak out. I cannot date someone that won’t talk to me, that just walks away upset and won’t tell me why. Friend tells me to go after him. I did but he told me to leave him alone and kept walking. I went back to bar and proceeded to cry. Coke guy asked if he was the problem or the bar but I had no idea what triggered him. I tried calling him but his phone was off. I finished my beer and went home and cried for hours.

I texted him good morning on Saturday and he finally responded. He stated that I did nothing wrong. He had spent the afternoon looking at finances and was upset about his income.  He said he needed the weekend. So I texted him back and told him I would give him his space. I haven’t heard from or contacted him since.

There is a part of me that wants to just say to hell with him. He was a jerk and unreasonable to not talk to me.  I also know that it is hard to make it here financially and he really wants to stay here. He is having a hard time finding a decent place to live that is affordable. Having me in his life has definitely complicated matters. He actually found a place a couple of weeks ago but told me it wouldn’t work because WE would have no privacy. I know how men can internalize these things and how money can be such an issue. He actually has told me that he has had gals break up with him in the past because he didn’t make enough.  I don’t know what is going to happen now. I do know that if this continues with us, he needs to know that for me, what he did the other day was way to hard for me to deal with. I need communication. If he had just said, I had a rough day and cannot handle this I would have understood. I will not be with a man that just shuts down like that when upset. I did that for years. Never again.

As difficult as it is, I will not contact him until he contacts me. No good morning, no good night, no how are you? There is part of me that wants to just close off my heart to  men completely now. It hurt so much the other night. Is it worth it? I am not sure. My playing the field with guys with no thought of a future was not painful at all just lonely at times. I guess I will wait and see for now and give him a chance, if he wants it. If not, I will continue taking care of myself and enjoying life.