I am a firm believer in preventive medicine. I get my teeth cleaned twice a year. I get a physical annually. I get my mammogram per protocol. I even have an echo-cardiogram every few years to monitor my heart murmur. I take meds for my murmur faithfully and do what modern medicine shows I should do. I also eat well, exercise, get good sleep. Because of this, I missed work today and again tomorrow as I am now fifty. It is time for my first colonoscopy.

When I called to make the appointment, I figured I would miss one day of work and then I found out that I would be on a LIQUID diet for the entire day prior. With someone that needs to eat about 2000 on a non-active day, this was going to be a long day. I usually eat breakfast at 6 am and then have a protein smoothie an hour later on the way to work. I then eat at my break around 10ish, lunch at noon, snack at 3ish, then dinner and snack before bed. I am lucky if I eat enough calories according to My Fitness Pal. I knew there was no way I would be able to walk miles today without eating so I took today off. The day has been long and I am quite hungry but I am glad I am doing this. Tomorrow morning, I go in for the procedure and then I can eat again. If everything goes well, I won’t have to do this for ten years.

I encourage all of you to take your health into your hands and do the tests that are recommended. I have had several friends die from cancer but I also have had several friends become survivors due to catching it early.

#fuckcancer

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Last weekend, I went on a short ice cream date when I went to visit my son. My son was at an event so I figured I would do something. The guy talked about how much he hated various things and ended up making a very racist remark to me and then told me how he is not racist. I left that “date” once again wondering why I even bother anymore. I love my life. Most of the time I am not lonely. Do I really want to bring someone into my life that is going to take my time away from the things that are important to me? From what I have seen since I started dating it most men want to change us into who they want us to be. I am not “good enough” for them for whatever reason OR they are not right for me. I keep meeting men that are religious (even though I am very clear that I won’t date a religious man), crude,  or needy. Is it so much to ask to find a man that is non-religious. We are now a large part of the community. Is it so much to ask to find a man that can speak in proper English (most of the time), reads books, listens to music, is athletic and takes care of himself and cares for humanity? He doesn’t have to match me 100% but there are some things that are very important to me. I want him to have teeth. I want him to be well kept. I don’t want to be with a fat man that does not take care of himself. I walk almost ten miles a day for work. I also do karate 2 times a week. I hike on weekends. I kayak, I love football. I do drink but can have fun without it. I ski. I don’t want a partner that wants to sit on his ass and watch TV all the time, though I do love to watch television and movies. I read a lot. I would love to have someone to share books and discuss books with. I am very liberal so a Trump supporter does not fit in my life but many of them ask me out because I am cute. I am fifty years old but don’t look it. I am about 120 pounds trying to gain muscle mass but I want more than a physical relationship. I want to be physically attracted to my partner. It would be great to find someone to go to Comic Con with, as well as brew fests, film festivals, and wine festivals. I have gotten so I am comfortable going by myself. Is that a good or bad thing. I am finding that the longer that I am single and alone, the less tolerant I am of partner issues. Last weekend, my mom and daughter also came to visit my son. We had four of us trying to decide where to eat. I am so used to making decisions without anyone’s input anymore. I was really having a hard time with the indecision. Finally I just said that I didn’t care where I went. I would have a beer at one place and a margarita at the other. That was when my mom finally put in an opinion. For breakfast the next day, I just made a decision. Will I ever be able to let someone completely into my life again? One of my concerns with men I meet are ones that have never been in a long relationship because I am afraid that they will not be able to handle the changes of one. Am I becoming that person? Am I doomed to be my mother and single the rest of my life? I love who I am and how I am growing in independence daily but it scares me, also. There are days or moments that I am lonely sometimes lonely as hell. Days that I just want someone to love me. Today is one of them. Here is it Mother’s Day and I am all alone. I have three great kids but they are grown. I am no longer the focus of their lives, as it should be. The oldest had the morning with her boyfriend and is at home 300 miles away right now. The middle one that lives with me had to work today. The youngest hasn’t come home for the summer from college yet.  I have spent the day doing chores in my house but not as much as I should have. Most of the day has been spent paying bills and watching Shanarrah Chronicles. I started drinking margarita’s a drink ago. It would have been nice to not be alone today. Tomorrow is a quiet day but then Tuesday through Thursday, I go non-stop. I get up, go to work, and eat all day. After work, I either have my karate class or my atheist meeting. By Friday, I am usually exhausted so if I have no plans that night, I am actually usually relieved but going out for an hour or two after work is not a terrible thing. Saturday is my errand day if I stay in town. I also take an hour or two to sit at Starbucks with a coffee, a book, and my pup (outside patio). I really enjoy my Saturdays. Sometimes, I go on a hike or something like that instead.

I think I am just needing to accept being alone.It is so much easier and there are so many frogs out there. I haven’t found anyone worth my time in almost a year and he ghosted me after four weeks of telling me how much he liked me. I am not sure it is worth the risk and pain anymore. I can take care of myself. Financially is a struggle but it is getting better.  I refuse to let loneliness take over my life so I will stay busy and active. If someone decent enters my life, I hope I can accept him in.

This is a real good Ted Talk on masculinity and being a man in today’s world. He talks about being sensitive as a man and how men are taught to reject the feminine side of themselves. He talks about how men won’t ask for help or talk about real things with their friends. This message is to men and women. Please watch.

The first Christmas after I started my job in parking enforcement, my eldest daughter decided to start buying me socks for my stocking. The first year she bought me some Star Trek socks. 13bd_star_trek_tng_mens_socks

 

I wear a uniform at work and I usually wear shorts. When I would wear these, I would get occasional comments from people about them. On Fridays, I can wear a sports shirt so I always wear a Bronco shirt and Bronco socks. I always get comments on those, too. 20171201_143158.jpg

When I told my daughter, I guess she decided to make socks a tradition. She has continued to buy me socks. This year she bought me several fun ones, Justice League, Alien, and Wolverine. I have so much fun with these. Every day, I wear fun socks and I get comments from people of all ages. Kids, old women, old men, adults, young adults. I even had one lady a week or so ago thank me for wearing them. She said that I make people smile with my socks.  There are days that I get “I love your socks.” from dozens of people. I get told I am cool. I get told I am awesome. I get smiles and thumbs up. Yesterday, one of the delivery drivers in town told me that he is going to start calling me Socks so I guess I have a new nickname.

I am going to continue this tradition of fun socks. I told my kiddo yesterday that I need some Marvel socks. I also need to get some ankle socks for the summer that are fun but still visible. My Walking Dead ones that she got me are no show so they aren’t as fun.

In A Messy World posted this and I loved it. She didn’t tag people specifically but since I read constantly. Eighteen completed this year already, I figured I should to this..

BOOKMARKS OR RANDOM PIECES OF PAPER?

Definitely bookmarks – unless I cannot find one when needed. I never bend the pages.

STOP READING RANDOMLY
OR AFTER A CHAPTER/CERTAIN AMOUNT OF PAGES?

I rarely stop mid-chapter unless I am just not comprehending when I am reading due to fatigue.  I usually try and finish the whole book, even if I feel that the book’s getting boring. We never know how it may pan out, and  I feel that it’s respectful to finish what I started, particularly if I bought it. I’m always hopeful that it will get better, and I always want to read what happens in the end.

 DO YOU HAVE A CERTAIN PLACE AT HOME FOR READING?

I have several places I like to read at home. I read every night in bed, even if it is just ten minutes. It is part of my sleep routine. I will also read at my dining room table, patio, sofa, den. Anywhere I can get comfy at the moment and avoid distractions.

DO YOU EAT OR DRINK WHILST READING?

That depends on where and when and where I am. Unless I am eating with someone, which is rarely, I am always reading something. Even as a kid, it was the cereal boxes. I often eat while eating dinner or lunch. I will sit on my sofa and drink wine or tea when chilling with a book. In bed, nope, at least rarely.

MULTITASKING: MUSIC OR TV WHEN READING?

Nope, Books get my undivided attention. 

ONE BOOK AT A TIME OR SEVERAL?

I used to be a one book at a time person but now, not so much. When I was a one book at a time person, I was not a reader of many types of books and I would lose myself in the books. I cannot read two mysteries or horrors at the same time but I have learned that a novel with other genres going at the same time works well for me. My kindle goes with me everywhere, I always have one on my nightstand and sometimes on my work desk for lunch, instead of the kindle book. I think I have had up to five books going at a time. Just finished two this weekend.

 READING AT HOME OR EVERYWHERE?

I read everywhere except while driving but will use audio books from time to time. I go to Starbucks almost every Saturday, sit outside and read a bit. I read at lunch at work, I show up early everywhere and read a few minutes here and there. I have always been this way. Books are my best friends.

READING OUT LOUD OR SILENTLY?

The last time I read out loud, besides a passage here and there was the Harry Potter series as a family. 

BREAKING THE SPINE OR KEEPING IT LIKE NEW?

I try to keep my books as close to new as possible.

 DO YOU WRITE IN YOUR BOOKS?

Nope, never. I do not damage books.

Tonight was another disastrous first date. I met this one on POF. He actually read my profile and his profile looked hopeful. We chatted for a couple of days and I took the bull by the horns and suggested we meet for coffee or a drink. He said a drink sounded good and we set the day for today. This morning, I wake up with a message from him that he waited for an hour LAST night. Boy did I feel bad though he is the one that messed up. We decided to still meet tonight so after work today, I rushed over to the winery for a nice glass of wine and a date.

He got there early (a plus), he was clean, polite, kind, had his teeth. Not the best looking guy but not bad either. I know opinions of looks can change when you get to know someone. We both ordered a glass of wine and the conversation started. I made the mistake of asking about his kids and how long since he had been divorced about five minutes in. I thought those were simple questions. Tell me about your kids. State a number of years since divorce and then move on to a new subject. Instead, the rest of our ninety minutes was spent learning about his marriage, details of fights in the marriage, and how awful she is. He did ask me one question. What happened to my marriage? I told him that I really didn’t know. I was surprised with the divorce and it didn’t really matter.

He went on to tell me about how she has full custody, he hasn’t seen the two younger kids in years, and there is a restraining order against him from her. These things are all based on lies though. He did nothing wrong. Supposedly, he has been plotting to kill her and the kids.  He went into details about fights they had and how she is turning the kids against him. I think this man needs to take more time before he dates again. He and I got divorced the same year and I do not want to talk about my marriage or ex hardly anymore much less let it monopolize a date. If his ex really is that nuts, I don’t want to be around all that negativity anyway. I think it was another first and last date. I just see too many red flags and negativity

A Dog's Purpose (A Dog's Purpose, #1)A Dog’s Purpose by W. Bruce Cameron

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Oh my gosh. I loved this book. This book follows a dog through several lives while he learns his purpose. He is a feral dog, a boys dog, a police dog, then a purebred dog that gets abandoned. He can remember his previous lives and uses things from his past in his new lives. The love of his people and his devotion is so sweet and seems so real. I cried a few times, I laughed a few times.
This is a good quick and entertaining read hat I think all dog lovers should read.
I am so lucky to have had many dogs in my lifetime. Currently, I have my Lab mix and my poodle mix and my daughters heeler -pit mix lives with me. They bring me so much happiness and are all so happy to have me come home every day.

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