For the sixth time, last week, I went to Denver Comic Con. Two of my children went but my middle child did not attend for the second time. I hate that they don’t go anymore but have to respect their adult decisions to not spend the money. I did feel real bad though, when I found out that their favorite author was going to be there. I immediately called my child and asked what book to have autographed. They told me that they owned every book and was fine. They told me that they would have the chance to meet some day. Well, I know that there are no guarantees in life and I had to do something for my child. This was Thursday, Con started on Friday. It was on my mind constantly. I knew I had to do something for my child.

Friday night, while I was laying in bed, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My first thought was to go talk to Tamora and video tape the interaction. Then I realized that a phone call would be the best, if I could manage it. First, I had to find out my kids schedule. Then I had to find out when Tamora was available. Then I had to make sure my kid answered the phone. They often don’t so I texted them and said that I needed to make a call later in the weekend and that I needed them to answer.

My kid had to work doubles all weekend so finding a time that they were both available was hard but it happened. Four in the afternoon on Sunday I get in line to meet an author that I have never read. My daughter joined me in line. We were hoping the author would do this for her sibling. We were hoping that my child would answer the phone. When we got to next in line, I made the phone call. They answered! I said that I had a minute to talk but then I was going to hand the phone to someone else. There was silence for a moment and then the question…..”Is it Tamora Pierce?” I confirmed. We got to the front of the line and my daughter explained to Tamora what was going on. She asked her handler if it was okay. She was told yes and took the phone. For about 90 seconds, she spoke to my child. In that 90 seconds, it was pretty amazing to see reactions. Her handler was just leaning on her arm smiling. The security guard was watching. Tamora was mainly listening but did say a few things to my child, including ending with a comment about how it was obvious how much they were cared about by me and my daughter. My daughter and I had tears streaming down our faces. Tamora told them that she hoped they would meet in person someday and I took the phone back. I quickly gave her a hug and got back on the phone. My child was sobbing on the other end. My daughter videotaped it for her sibling so she could see the event from our end and keep it.

I think that this was my favorite part of Con this year and it wasn’t even for me. The best gifts are ones that make the recipient cry.

 

 

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I am ashamed of our government. I am ashamed of so many of our citizens. I grew up  in a world that accepted all people. I was not raised to treat people differently due to their race, religion, or anything. I know now that I was very sheltered in some ways. I grew up in a military world. It is a very diverse world. I wasn’t taught to hate and fear differences. I was taught to take care of each other and our world. Yes, I know that rules need to be followed but sometimes rules need to be broken or at least bent a little. The situation that has me upset is currently how we are treating immigrants in the US. It was bad enough with us turning away refugees. These people have no where to go and we vet them well but this is not about them. This post is about an acquaintance of mine. I have known the man  for years. I didn’t know that he was illegal until this story broke.

When I worked in the hospital, I used to see him all the time. He might be five foot tall. He is just a little guy but he always had a smile and a kind word. I met his wife at the clinic I worked at. The first time I met her, the oldest boy was just a toddler. I remember the first time I saw him. He was such a cute little guy. I found out that she and Edin were married shortly after that. I saw her go through the other pregnancies and always loved seeing them all together. Eventually, I got to know Edin very well as his business took care of the clinic I worked in. He was always johnny on the spot to get things done correctly. He is one of the hardest working men I know and he loves his family very much. I do know that he has traveled back to Honduras at least once that I know of. He wasn’t sneaking around or hiding. He was being a good “citizen” in our country. Yes, he was illegal BUT he didn’t deserve to be ripped away from his family. He should be given a path to citizenship. I have no problem with us tracking down and deporting the people here illegally that are doing other criminal activity but if someone has been here for years and not done anything but become part of a community, they should be able to stay. His life is now in danger. Three kids have lost their dad. A woman has lost her husband. They only speak English so them moving to Honduras would be extremely difficult PLUS it is dangerous for Edin. I hope things change and we can get him back to our small town. He is missed.

Local Man being deported

He is deported

Justice For Edin

There is another local case that I am also watching. I am not sure what is going to happen with it. One of my kids managers is from Ireland.  He was here on a Visa but got caught driving while drunk a couple of times. This last time it also turns out that his Visa had expired. He has been sent home and intends on reapplying for his Visa and coming back. Currently, his job is being held for him. I am really wondering if in this day of hating immigrants  in Trump’s country if he will be allowed to come back. I have my doubts.

LuckyLucky by Alice Sebold

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Wow. What a book. This is the true story of the author’s brutal rape and her recovery. She is so brutally honest and the book was so detailed that I could not put it down. The description of the rape was hard to read in such detail but I think it was important for the book for the readers to be able to relate even a little bit to her story. Hearing how her relationships changed with her friends and family was difficult to imagine. One scene that really stood out for me was when she tried to get her father to understand what happened to her and why she didn’t fight more. People so often judge and blame the victim. In this book, she talks about that frequently and how she actually tried to protect others from their discomfort. She was lucky to have a lot of support and one teacher that helped her have the strength to face her attacker in court and actually convict him. This was a book of strength and courage. It was well worth the read

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A Woman on the Edge of Time: a son's search for his motherA Woman on the Edge of Time: a son’s search for his mother by Jeremy Gavron
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I picked this book up at a book rescue not knowing much about it but it definitely drew me to it. The speed in which I read it says something. I did not want to put this book down. Hannah was such a strong woman and so ahead of her time. It made me think of being a woman before now. My grandmother was also ahead of her time. I often thought about my mother who was in the same age group as Hannah. Women were expected to be a certain way and women who chose not to had a difficult road. Unfortunately, Hannah ultimately couldn’t handle it and took her life. She left two young boys and a family that never spoke of her again. This is written by the younger of the boys as he tries to understand his mother and her choice. This book also made me proud of my daughters who are in no hurry to marry and have babies. They are living their lives before they go down this path, if they choose that path I sure wish that I had done so. Hannah’s thesis that was later published is The Captive Wife. I wonder how many of us feel the way this book implies. I think Ii will have to find it and read it. I know I can probably relate. I gave up my life for the “dream” and it was a mistake. Now I am alone, poor, and fifty, trying to figure out how to live my dreams. I will make it as I have made it this far. This book is worth the read. It is not anti-man. It is not anti-marriage. It is more about having the strength to follow your dreams. The women back then had so many more obstacles than we do now. It has improved but many are still there due to our gender. We need to continue to change things for our daughters and granddaughter.

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I thought that he had. I thought that the holiday season was ruined for me forever. I used to be one of the crazy holiday loving people that so many people complain about. I would think of the Solstice, Saturnalia, Christmas and just feel bright inside. I loved the music (even the religious ones), the colors, the lights, the cooking, the food, the giving, the receiving, even the crowds. I would wear my Santa hat every day. I felt so alive during the holiday season. The holidays were not always good with the ex-husband. He was a bit of a scrooge and made things more tense than they needed to be but I still loved it every year. That is UNTIL…….

He filed for divorce two weeks after Christmas. We had been having problems for a few years but that Christmas was one of our better ones. He even gave me great gifts. I was sure that things were getting better. I thought that maybe he loved me again. Even our oldest told me that he really loved me and thought things were better for us all.

I felt so betrayed. I felt lied to. I felt that the entire holiday had been a lie. I have not looked forward to it for years.  I have put off the decorating as long as possible. I have dreaded putting  up the tree and seeing the ornaments that remind me of various things in our marriage. I had thought about cancelling my annual party. I went through the motions for my kids but would have been perfectly happy just skipping the celebrations.  I actually have had good Christmases in the past few years but I still dreaded them. BF/ex-boyfriend has been with us for a couple of them.

This year, for some reason, I am more myself. my kiddo/roommate was working today and I brought in the decorations, put on the music and almost finished decorating the house. Last night, I went to Noel Night  in town with my nephew. I am excited for my party. I am excited for the holiday season again. I enjoyed singing the songs while I decorated today. I have my holiday back. I have no idea what changed for me this year but I am happy  about it. This has always been my favorite time of year. I definitely do not have any more money this year, things are not perfect but I can enjoy all the things I love about this time.  I am lucky that all three kids are choosing to spend the holiday with me this year, too. Now I just need snow to make it as perfect as it can be.

I shared a piece on October 8th about the shootings that keep happening in our country in Thoughts on Vegas, and Why Men Keep Doing This – Be Yourself . This was a very interesting read on men in our society and why they keep doing these atrocious things. It also mentioned a few things to read, watch, or join to learn more, grow, or fix things. One of them was a film The Mask You Live In . I watched this over the weekend and cried. It is so telling what we have done to our boys. How confusing it is to “be a man” in our world.

I saw my son so many times. He is so not a typical boy. He had two older sisters. He and the middle kid are so close. He would play dolls with her. She took tap and ballet so he wanted to take tap and ballet. He did that for three years. The first year at three, he was the only boy. The second and third year, he was joined by his best friend. They quit when the school closed. He started playing the violin at five. He also played flag football for three years. He enjoyed it but after the third year, he said he was done with football. He wanted to be a Bronco and the team was the Broncos that year so he reached his goal. When he started Kindergarten his favorite color was pink. He had the classroom bully tell him that he was not allowed to like pink. This same bully picked on him for years. I didn’t know about much of the bullying because my son never told us but the middle kiddo would tell us. He also had a couple of real good friends that always stood up for him. One was his girlfriend. She was so cute. She would threaten to beat up all the boys that picked on him. I am sure that didn’t help matters but she always had his back. They are still friends to this day. The other was his jock best friend. They are so different but are like brothers. As the years went on, my son became an avid reader, brain, reader, and very sensitive. In high school, he got into band and theater. My son has never been a stereotypical boy and is now finding his way as a man that doesn’t fit the stereotypical male in our society.

This film delves into what being a man is and how our society tries to stifle the “feminine” side of them.  We need to change the way we raise our boys and what we expect from them. There are men like my son. There are men like his best friend, the jock. They both are very sensitive young men and have been allowed to be this way due to their mothers. Both of them had fathers that are the more “macho” men that were raised to not show emotions. Not all men are as lucky as our boys. Many are still raised to not show emotions. Those men are damaged. They have difficulties in so many aspects of their lives, even if they don’t see it themselves. Many become lonely, angry, and unsatisfied in life. Many end up much worse- abusers, controllers, killers, etc. We need to let our boys be who they are and express their own interests and feelings. I think anyone that influences boys in our world should watch this film. I would love to hear your opinions on this film after you watch it.

I had such a great birthday. The celebration culminated last night and now it is time to recover. The actual day was fabulous. I went to town and got my hair done. I like getting highlights and hadn’t done so in a long time to decided to spoil myself. Got a nice cut and felt beautiful. Afterwards, I went to Starbucks to get a coffee and read a bit when one of my friends that was joining me for dinner texted me. She had gotten into town early, too, and needed to blow time. We live in the adjoining town about 25 miles away. She joined me for coffee and then we went to Ex-bf/bff house for me to finish getting ready. The  fun was ready to begin.

We headed back into town to meet the rest at the restaurant. We get seated and are waiting for the rest of the group to show up when an older couple walk in, each carrying a yellow rose. They come over to me, wish me a happy birthday and hand me the roses. I had no idea who they were. Then someone else came in with a rose, then another. Eventually, I realized that my friend and his girlfriend (she had stayed outside) were doing this. I ended up getting 50 flowers delivered to me by random strangers on the street. I had not expected (nor really wanted gifts) but everyone brought something. Ex-bff gave me a backpacking tent. R came and brought me a bottle of one of my favorite wines. My girlfriends gave me a journal, candle, travel mug, and a flask filled with rum. My kiddo came in after work and brought in a Baskin Robbins cake. The crew paid for my dinner (also not expected) and then we all had cake. I was real surprised to have a friend that moved away show up unexpected. She was in town and did some stalking to find out where I was. I felt so loved. I realized that I will never be alone here. I have family that are not related. Next time that I feel down or lonely, I know that I can call each of those people and probably others. After dinner, most went home but four of us went out on the town. We hit a few bars and the pool hall.

The next day, I went to Ex-bf house and we went down the river in our duckies. I will admit that we did fool around a bit. I was tired and took a nap and he joined me. He wanted to give me the physical attention for my birthday, too. I fell in love with him on my birthday three years ago. I did realize that I am truly over him though. My romantic feelings aren’t there for him at this point. I do still love him and wouldn’t mind if we found our way back to each other but I realize that until HE is emotionally healthy that I do not want him.  That was very eye opening for me.

I have continued to celebrate all week. My mom and sister came down to bring my nephew his things and we had a great time together. We even ended up at the same restaurant one night and the bartenders had ice cream brought out to me and everyone sang to me. If this past week is any indication, this year will be a great one. A big part of that is my attitude. I love that I am finally comfortable alone. I keep turning down dates because I have something else I would rather do. I have come a long way in four years. My divorce was final August 23, 2013 so I also celebrate my Freedom day during my birthday every year now.