My friendship with R is so good and the man is so kind and caring. I love him and his kid. He is often texting me when he is in town offering me a coffee when he is at the coffee shop or just texting asking if I need a hug. He does this especially if he knows I have been having a hard day. We have been doing so well with not crossing the line of friendship lately. My Self Control-He didn’t stop me We had another movie night where we did nothing. It was so nice and I thought we had finally gotten to where I could be around him and not want to kiss him. Well, I was wrong. In the past few weeks, the communication with us has increased and the way he looks at me and hugs me just makes me melt. I finally kissed him again the other day and told him that I couldn’t help myself. It was just a peck but still, it was nice. We both wanted to see Ready Player One so we decided to have a date night when his son was with mom.

It was so mice to just have some time with him. We snuggled as much as you can at the theater and then we decided to go out to eat. While we were eating, he told me that he had no reason to behave anymore. Damn, I am weak. Next thing I know, we are driving to his place and have a wonderful night. Every time I woke, he was holding me and it was such a nice relaxing night and morning. I guess we are back to FWB because I know his feelings haven’t changes, though he sure acts like a boyfriend in so many ways. When he hugs me, I feel so safe and comfortable. I love the feeling and wish I could have it every day. Oh well. Maybe someday. Until then, I will enjoy my life.

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I know that I have mentioned before that I am too busy to date and now it is becoming an issue. The photographer and I have gone out a few more times. We spent one lovely day together. Took his Porsche to a neighboring town, had lunch, soaked in the hot springs, then had a nice dinner. During lunch, he told me that he is developing feelings for me and would like to see if things develop. We haven’t been out since because of our schedules. I am still not sure if I want to date him. I really enjoy his company but am not physically attracted to him. We also have a problem that he is a spontaneous person. I live 40 minutes from town. I need to know what my plans are before I leave my house in the morning. It affects how I dress, do my hair, if I put on make up, if I need to plan dinner. I also have pets that need to be taken care of so I need to make sure the roommate (my adult child) will be able to take care of them. If I am coming straight home after work, I tend to just throw on a pair of jeans and t-shirt. I change into a uniform when I get to work and then come home in the same jeans and t shirt. There are times that I leave my house thinking that I might go out and will prepare accordingly BUT for the most part, I am a planner. I know what I am doing every night this week after work and will have my weekend planned by Thursday night. The photographer will contact me at four during a weeknight and want to go out that night. By then, if I don’t have plans to go out, I have plans to go home and chill. My mindset is on relaxing. I walk over ten miles a day at work. I cannot go out every night. I need to sleep a lot to give my muscles time to recover. I can be spontaneous if I know I am spending the time with the person and we can play things by ear. That is what we did on that date three weeks ago. I just need to do some planning. In the mean time, I have had a few real quiet weekends and have gotten so I really am enjoying my own company more than ever. I did have a nice night with R this weekend but for the most part, I have not been dating and am very comfortable with that.

 

Tonight was another disastrous first date. I met this one on POF. He actually read my profile and his profile looked hopeful. We chatted for a couple of days and I took the bull by the horns and suggested we meet for coffee or a drink. He said a drink sounded good and we set the day for today. This morning, I wake up with a message from him that he waited for an hour LAST night. Boy did I feel bad though he is the one that messed up. We decided to still meet tonight so after work today, I rushed over to the winery for a nice glass of wine and a date.

He got there early (a plus), he was clean, polite, kind, had his teeth. Not the best looking guy but not bad either. I know opinions of looks can change when you get to know someone. We both ordered a glass of wine and the conversation started. I made the mistake of asking about his kids and how long since he had been divorced about five minutes in. I thought those were simple questions. Tell me about your kids. State a number of years since divorce and then move on to a new subject. Instead, the rest of our ninety minutes was spent learning about his marriage, details of fights in the marriage, and how awful she is. He did ask me one question. What happened to my marriage? I told him that I really didn’t know. I was surprised with the divorce and it didn’t really matter.

He went on to tell me about how she has full custody, he hasn’t seen the two younger kids in years, and there is a restraining order against him from her. These things are all based on lies though. He did nothing wrong. Supposedly, he has been plotting to kill her and the kids.  He went into details about fights they had and how she is turning the kids against him. I think this man needs to take more time before he dates again. He and I got divorced the same year and I do not want to talk about my marriage or ex hardly anymore much less let it monopolize a date. If his ex really is that nuts, I don’t want to be around all that negativity anyway. I think it was another first and last date. I just see too many red flags and negativity

Last night I went out with my friend, the photographer.  We met on a dating site three or four years ago and went on a couple of dates but it never went anywhere. I never felt a physical connection with him but enjoyed  his company. Over the years, every time we run into each other, he gives me these great hugs and we have become decent friends. About a month ago, we went out for dinner and I realized how much I enjoy his company. I wish I felt some physical connection because he is just wonderful. We have so much in common. We went out last night again. We were at the restaurant for hours and had such a nice time. We talked quite a bit about dating.  He has been divorced for a long time and has no kids. He was involved with a woman not that long ago. They talked about marriage but she broke it off with him a year ago. The talk about dating turned interesting when we realized that we both feel the same way about dating. I had actually posted on Facebook.

“I think that might be part of the problem. I really am enjoying the freedom of being single. I would like someone but don’t want to give up my freedom. Finding a man who feels the same is difficult. I have met a couple that want to be attached at the hip immediately and I do not want that at all. I have an active full life now. Do I really have time for a man??? I am not sure but there are times I really want one. Is there a rent a boyfriend plan out there for the nights I want to snuggle and Netflix with someone besides my pup?” 

when she said that when I quit looking I will find someone.

He and I started joking about the pros and cons of being with someone. We both love the idea of having someone to snuggle with and be the companion but we also love that no one is expecting us to watch things we do not want to watch, complain about our sleeping habits, complain about me reading in bed, etc. We were laughing so hard about  all the different things we do NOT miss about being in a relationship.

After dinner, we came back to my house and snuggled on the couch and watched a movie. We had a nice night. He asked if he should stay and snuggle but I chose not to. I really do like him. I wonder if a physical attraction can develop. If not, I have a great friend that I can honestly share things with and laugh.

Just before the holiday, I decided to sign back up on the dating sites. I admit that my timing was terrible. I didn’t take the time to do much responding but have been talking to a few guys.

One guy seemed real nice. We chatted quite a bit and I thought that we were hitting it off. We discussed having drinks after work one day and then he disappeared. The day after we were supposed to meet (date had been set but not time or place), I heard from him. He apologized profusely and stated life had been hectic. Since my life can be that way, I understood. I ran into him downtown, we said hi, hugged, had one more text and then I haven’t heard from him for two weeks.  I have no idea why I was ghosted but am getting used to this.

I had a date last night with another guy that I had been chatting with.   I was really looking forward to meeting him.He seemed so personable via chatting BUT, in person, he was so dull and there were some red flags.  He was nice but I have no desire to see him again. Unfortunately, he wants to see me again so I need to find a way to let him down. I hate hurting people’s feelings.

I had a lunch date today with another man that I have been chatting with. To be honest, I wasn’t at all interested in him but have decided to be more open and give more men a chance. I almost cancelled at the last minute but decided that would be rude. He showed up and I immediately noticed he was older looking and heavier than his profile pictures but he was very nice. We had a very nice lunch and I enjoyed my date very much. I do not see anything happening with it but maybe a new friend but it was still a nice time. We had enough in common to enjoy each others company BUT I think we both felt the same after the date.

I have been chatting with a few more men that have just baffled me. One yesterday lives a couple of states away. After a couple of texts, he asked it we had a chance. I told him that we knew nothing about each other yet so he sent me photos of his nice body. He wouldn’t answer direct questions about him, his values, beliefs, or anything. He just kept asking if we had a chance. Needless to say, he is now blocked. A guy a shared a couple of messages with today went from hello to sexual innuendos after 3 texts. A third guy a few weeks ago kept telling me about how large he was and how well he could satisfy me. I can’t help but wonder if these guys really have luck with this approach with anyone.

Needless to day, my first few weeks of trying to date again are not going well. It is a good thing that I am not needing a man to be happy. I will trudge on and see what happens.

So many of my male friends are shocked by the #metoo stories and how many women they know with stories. Somany of them are asking what they can or should do, this is a good read regarding this.

 

#MeToo testimonies are flooding our social media feeds. For men, realizing complicity can be uncomfortable. On seeing this discomfort as a challenge.

Source: For Guys Reading #MeToo Testimonies — Courtney Martin | On Being

I adore ice cream guy when I am with him but when I am not, I am constantly trying to talk myself out of liking him. I know in my head that he is not the right guy long term and it stinks. We so enjoy our time together BUT he is the most unsocial person that I know. He won’t even consider going to my game nights with me.  I thought it was just because he isn’t a gamer but then he also won’t even consider going to Rocky Horror Live. Again, I figured Rocky wasn’t his thing. I then invited him to a party for Halloween and he also said no, not his thing. He doesn’t like things with crowds or small talk. I spent the last ten years of my marriage wanting to do things and the ex wouldn’t. I am now comfortable doing things by myself but do I want to forever? No, not really. We did discuss this a little and I think we both know this  is a long term problem

He also is more broke than I am. I am not looking for a sugar daddy or a man to support me but one that can afford to do something occasionally would be nice. He also doesn’t seem to follow through on things. We were supposed to go on a trip to Moab. I told him that I wanted to go on a trip and he said that would be fun and asked if he could come along. I thought that would be great. Since he  knows the area, he started looking for a place to stay and we talked about options a few times. The trip was supposed to be last weekend. We didn’t go anywhere. We were supposed to go ice skating today. I asked him to find out when the open skate was since it was something that he really wanted to do. He checked less than an hour before it started. I live 45 minutes away so that was unable to be there. It is now seven PM on Saturday night and I am home alone. This is my third weekend in a row not doing anything. He did come over last Friday night but except for a few minutes after work a couple of nights this week, I haven’t had any time with him since. I guess I was seeing something that wasn’t there. I haven’t even heard from him since I told him that tomorrows time is not good for me. I wish he wasn’t so great when we are together but I know I need more than he is currently giving me. I don’t know if he will ever be willing or able to give me more.

In the mean time, I am receiving text from other men wanting to spend time with me, including BF/ex-bf. We actually had a night out last night. We talked about US. He is wanting to spend time together again.I had to tell him that I cannot let myself fall in love with him again if he cannot love me. He asked me why I said that. I think he is truly thinking about trying again. I will always love him. He has never hurt me. I trust him implicitly. My kids love him. He is part of the family. I am terrified to give us a chance again and told him so. I did stay with him last night and we snuggled all night. It felt like being home.

I think that I am going to stick with being single for a while and just see what happens. I really don’t want to answer to anyone or have anyone have any control of me and my activities. It is easier to be alone and make my own decisions an just enjoy my life with whom I want to be with when  want to be with them. I actually thought that there was hope with the ice cream guy and I am really disappointed that I was wrong but I would rather learn that now than after I am fully invested in him. Time to move on again.