Welcome to the Men’s Group

This is one of the films that I saw at the Durango Independent Film Fest. I wanted to see it because I have met so many men that are involved in MKP- Man Kind Project. Every one of them has been a good man. They are good caring men that are in touch with their feelings or try to. The best thing about all of them is that they are trying to grow.

This film is considered a comedy but it more of a dark comedy. There are definitely some disturbing things in it and full frontal male nudity. I think it is worth watching though. Men have been taught to put such walls around their feelings and seeing the men in this group try to share their true issues is interesting from a woman’s point of view.

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Last night I went out with my friend, the photographer.  We met on a dating site three or four years ago and went on a couple of dates but it never went anywhere. I never felt a physical connection with him but enjoyed  his company. Over the years, every time we run into each other, he gives me these great hugs and we have become decent friends. About a month ago, we went out for dinner and I realized how much I enjoy his company. I wish I felt some physical connection because he is just wonderful. We have so much in common. We went out last night again. We were at the restaurant for hours and had such a nice time. We talked quite a bit about dating.  He has been divorced for a long time and has no kids. He was involved with a woman not that long ago. They talked about marriage but she broke it off with him a year ago. The talk about dating turned interesting when we realized that we both feel the same way about dating. I had actually posted on Facebook.

“I think that might be part of the problem. I really am enjoying the freedom of being single. I would like someone but don’t want to give up my freedom. Finding a man who feels the same is difficult. I have met a couple that want to be attached at the hip immediately and I do not want that at all. I have an active full life now. Do I really have time for a man??? I am not sure but there are times I really want one. Is there a rent a boyfriend plan out there for the nights I want to snuggle and Netflix with someone besides my pup?” 

when she said that when I quit looking I will find someone.

He and I started joking about the pros and cons of being with someone. We both love the idea of having someone to snuggle with and be the companion but we also love that no one is expecting us to watch things we do not want to watch, complain about our sleeping habits, complain about me reading in bed, etc. We were laughing so hard about  all the different things we do NOT miss about being in a relationship.

After dinner, we came back to my house and snuggled on the couch and watched a movie. We had a nice night. He asked if he should stay and snuggle but I chose not to. I really do like him. I wonder if a physical attraction can develop. If not, I have a great friend that I can honestly share things with and laugh.

Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny!Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! by Anthony Robbins

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I was recommended this book to me several years ago by a friend. He was the most positive person I had ever met and I asked him how he was that way. He was going through a divorce and things in his life were quite difficult but he was always happy. He told me that this book transformed his attitude about life.
It has taken me a while to actually sit down and read this book but this was definitely the right time. For many years, I was a wife and mother and all my goals and dreams involved my husband and kid. Five years ago, that all ended and my youngest graduated from high school a couple of years later. I am finally ready to focus on me and my goals again. I don’t think I realized that until I read this book. I have been thinking about goals and dreams now and am making plans. I have broken a lifelong habit of picking my skin. Tomorrow is two weeks since I picked and I actually have not had a hard time in days. I am no longer a picker. I have tried to quit all my life. Quitting smoking was easy compared to this. Suddenly, after reading this book, it has been easy to quit.
I highly recommend this book to anyone that is wanting to make positive changes in their life. I will continue to work on the assignments in the book and continue to grow and follow my new dreams and goals.

View all my reviews

I have been reminded of why I fell in love with ex-bf. I have told him that I am not just jumping into a relationship with him again. I told him that I am scared to.

Last week, we went out for Halloween. I absolutely love Halloween and he doesn’t. He still dressed up. We were Danny and Sandy from Grease. We went out for dinner and then for drinks. We discussed when to go in for the night and he took my hands and told me that he knows how important it was for me so we could stay out as long as I wanted. I was staying with him that night. It was the first time in over a year that I was staying with him. I was looking forward to snuggling and his company. We have always been so good together.  When we got back to his place, he drew me a bath and lit candles. While the water was running he massaged my feet. He had James Taylor playing. When I got in the bath, he massaged my shoulders, back, and neck and then he read me love poems.

Damn him. I thought that I was over him. I realized that night that I am not. I felt like I had gone home. I am not jumping into a relationship or commitment with him. I told him last night that I trust him with everything except  my heart. He wants to know how to fix that. I told him time. It took us over a year to break up. We have been apart for 15 months and it is just like nothing changed. I am so comfortable with him. This is going to be interesting. I am ready for the ride and to where it goes. I wonder if he can really truly love me this time. I know he loves me but can he get to where he needs to be to stay with me?

I adore ice cream guy when I am with him but when I am not, I am constantly trying to talk myself out of liking him. I know in my head that he is not the right guy long term and it stinks. We so enjoy our time together BUT he is the most unsocial person that I know. He won’t even consider going to my game nights with me.  I thought it was just because he isn’t a gamer but then he also won’t even consider going to Rocky Horror Live. Again, I figured Rocky wasn’t his thing. I then invited him to a party for Halloween and he also said no, not his thing. He doesn’t like things with crowds or small talk. I spent the last ten years of my marriage wanting to do things and the ex wouldn’t. I am now comfortable doing things by myself but do I want to forever? No, not really. We did discuss this a little and I think we both know this  is a long term problem

He also is more broke than I am. I am not looking for a sugar daddy or a man to support me but one that can afford to do something occasionally would be nice. He also doesn’t seem to follow through on things. We were supposed to go on a trip to Moab. I told him that I wanted to go on a trip and he said that would be fun and asked if he could come along. I thought that would be great. Since he  knows the area, he started looking for a place to stay and we talked about options a few times. The trip was supposed to be last weekend. We didn’t go anywhere. We were supposed to go ice skating today. I asked him to find out when the open skate was since it was something that he really wanted to do. He checked less than an hour before it started. I live 45 minutes away so that was unable to be there. It is now seven PM on Saturday night and I am home alone. This is my third weekend in a row not doing anything. He did come over last Friday night but except for a few minutes after work a couple of nights this week, I haven’t had any time with him since. I guess I was seeing something that wasn’t there. I haven’t even heard from him since I told him that tomorrows time is not good for me. I wish he wasn’t so great when we are together but I know I need more than he is currently giving me. I don’t know if he will ever be willing or able to give me more.

In the mean time, I am receiving text from other men wanting to spend time with me, including BF/ex-bf. We actually had a night out last night. We talked about US. He is wanting to spend time together again.I had to tell him that I cannot let myself fall in love with him again if he cannot love me. He asked me why I said that. I think he is truly thinking about trying again. I will always love him. He has never hurt me. I trust him implicitly. My kids love him. He is part of the family. I am terrified to give us a chance again and told him so. I did stay with him last night and we snuggled all night. It felt like being home.

I think that I am going to stick with being single for a while and just see what happens. I really don’t want to answer to anyone or have anyone have any control of me and my activities. It is easier to be alone and make my own decisions an just enjoy my life with whom I want to be with when  want to be with them. I actually thought that there was hope with the ice cream guy and I am really disappointed that I was wrong but I would rather learn that now than after I am fully invested in him. Time to move on again.

We all have our baggage and as we get older, we usually have more. Ice Cream Guy and I got together last night and we are fine. We talked a little about what happened and I realized that his reaction was from his baggage. My reaction was from my baggage. We both realize that our issues are our own. I am happy to try to continue with him. I really like him and enjoy being with him. This has made me think a lot about relationships though. I am fifty, he is fifty one. We both have been married. We had very different childhoods. We have both tried to deal with our issues in our lives.

In relationships, we have two imperfect people trying to find a way to be a couple that works together. We have to honestly look at the other person and their baggage and see what we can live with. We also have to look at ourselves and try to get past our baggage. In order to do this, we have to be honest with ourselves AND our partner. We can have very different baggage and make it work IF we can communicate and respect each others differences. That is what the Ice Cream Guy and I are going to try to do. I know understand his actions the other night and I also understand myself and why I reacted so badly. He retreats when stressed. That was probably how he protected himself as a child. He told me that he knows that I deserved better. I tend to get over emotional and insecure and anxious. I have a fear of being abandoned and not loved. We both acted in what is normal for us. I have to know in the future how he is and not take it personally and he has to try and reassure me before he completely retreats that we are fine.

We have survived our first bump. It really had nothing to do with me.

I am reading this book Never Let Go. It is a book on weight lifting and fitness. It was given to me by the ex-con before he moved to Phoenix. It is a good book that is helping me remember some of my old weightlifting knowledge and is teaching me more on it and diet. Things have changed a bit since I was a lifter in the 80s.

The chapter last night was talking about warm-ups and he ended up stating that the warm-up should actually be something important to your workout. For instance, if you are working hard on pull ups, to make that part of your warm up. He ended up stating this quote “If it is important, do it every day. If it’s not important, don’t do it at all.”  WOW!!! Is that true in all aspects of life. He even went on to say that. He said to make sure to tell your loved ones that you love them every day and he gave other things in every day life that he thought it pertained to. I think this is going to be my motto in life for a while. Since the divorce it basically has been to have fun but lately I have been focusing so much on my fitness and myself in other ways.

So, what is important to me? Telling my friends and family that I love them. Working out- specifically my core. Eating well. Reading. Working my brain- puzzles, working on foreign language, etc. Of course, the things we all have to do, pay bills, work, chores but life shouldn’t be all about those things. Other things are important in our lives. I think the physical one that I am going to add is planks. I was doing them and push ups daily until I got my bowflex and now I have been doing lifting. The planks have been neglected and are such an important and good exercise for the core. I need to do those BEFORE I get on the bowflex every morning.  The brain activities are to help prevent Alzheimers. It also helps that I do enjoy those things. I have been using an app to learn Spanish for a bit and do lots of puzzles and games that use your brain. I do not like the ones like Angry Birds, I prefer to THINK..

I would love to hear from my readers what they think is important. What are you going to do every day? I may add more to mine, in fact, I probably will.