Unleashing the Cougar!

Tips and advice for singles exploring online dating

Finding a mate can be pretty scary, whether we are looking for a hook-up, casual relationship or a life partner. For many people, online dating can be difficult to negotiate in a million different ways, especially for people who’ve come out of long-term relationships, but even for people struggling to connect with likeminded others.

There is plenty of advice online or even within dating apps, but here is some additional advice from me, and friends of both sexes who’ve kindly offered to comment. This advice applies equally to everyone.

applesResearch which app or apps might suit you best and spend some time having a look through their clientele before writing a profile (if necessary, start with a mostly empty profile and then add to it if you decide to stay). It’s probably a good idea to use more than one app, but…

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I am so heart broken today. We had a local twelve year old die from suicide last night. I know nothing about this boy. I do not know his family but we have friends in common. That is all not relative to my feelings. As someone that has battled depression off and on for close to forty years, I know how dark a place you have to be to take this step. I have almost been there a few times. I have worked on a plan many times. Today, I am glad that I never have made that decision but this suicide got me thinking about TWELVE.

Wow, TWELVE years old.  How does a child of such a young age reach this point?

I was thinking about myself at twelve. I hadn’t been depressed yet. My parents had separated and gotten back together. My older sister told me how my dad had cheated on my mom and she is the one that discovered  it. My dad was drunk most of the time. I didn’t feel he loved me. I felt betrayed by my dad and so angry at what he had done to my mom. I actually was angry at my mom for taking him back. We moved again back to the states and I returned to a school I had been at previously but it was a civilian school and I was a brat. I was extremely naive and sheltered in many ways and felt that I didn’t fit in. My former friends had matured and I was still so YOUNG.  My self-esteem was dropping tremendously. I was put in a back brace for my scoliosis which was embarrassing and uncomfortable. I was tiny. I was uncoordinated.  I was DIFFERENT but I was not depressed YET. This was in 1979. Times have changed.

Today’s kids have no escape from all these things at home. They are lucky enough to have the internet. In so many ways, it enriches our lives but the isolation can be so much worse now. I cannot imagine how I would have felt seeing photos of parties I wasn’t invited to all the time, possibly the bullying online, the boy I liked with the girl in the class. These things never go away. The experts state that cyber bullying is one of the reasons that death by suicide is rising among younger children. Add to that if the child is even more different. The child is gay or wondering if he is gay or trans or another member of the LBGTQ community. The child is doubting the religion of the family/community.  Coming out of the closet as a LBGTQ or even an atheist can be very difficult and scary.

We as adults need to learn to ask the kids in our lives are okay and truly listen. We need to not brush off their concerns and fears with “that doesn’t really matter.’ We  need to quit thinking and saying things like, what do they have to be depressed about? No, children, for the most part, do not have to worry about bills and other adult issues but their issues are real to them and are just as upsetting to them as ours are to us.

Right now, there are a few things that some parents are bringing to the school board in my town about LBGTQ and religious rights. I am not saying that this is the reason that this particular boy died by suicide as I do not know where his mind was. Only he knows, unless he left a note, why he made this ultimate decision. I hope for the survivors that it had nothing to do with these things as some of them were behind this school board issue. There is enough guilt for survivors as it is. I wish I could go back 24  hours and take this boy aside and tell him that it will get better and get him the help and support he needed. Unfortunately, none of us can do that and our small town has to deal with another young child death as well as another suicide.

Facts about suicidal thoughts in children

Suicides under 13

If you are thinking about suicide PLEASE reach out. I promise, it will get better.  If you suspect someone might be in crisis, reach out. People don’t say it unless they have thought it. You don’t want t be a survivor. Be a rescuer instead.

Suicide prevention

Real dating sucks, too, but we continue to try.

Penny Wilson Writes

Internet Dating Sucks.  I don’t care what site you try, they all suck.  Internet dating has done nothing but make the process of dating even worse.  You are now a commodity.  You’re disposable, because the jerk that just “ghosted” you is scamming on 4 or 5 other women at the same time he’s been talking to you.  Women are no better.  They have picked up the same deplorable habits.

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The first Christmas after I started my job in parking enforcement, my eldest daughter decided to start buying me socks for my stocking. The first year she bought me some Star Trek socks. 13bd_star_trek_tng_mens_socks

 

I wear a uniform at work and I usually wear shorts. When I would wear these, I would get occasional comments from people about them. On Fridays, I can wear a sports shirt so I always wear a Bronco shirt and Bronco socks. I always get comments on those, too. 20171201_143158.jpg

When I told my daughter, I guess she decided to make socks a tradition. She has continued to buy me socks. This year she bought me several fun ones, Justice League, Alien, and Wolverine. I have so much fun with these. Every day, I wear fun socks and I get comments from people of all ages. Kids, old women, old men, adults, young adults. I even had one lady a week or so ago thank me for wearing them. She said that I make people smile with my socks.  There are days that I get “I love your socks.” from dozens of people. I get told I am cool. I get told I am awesome. I get smiles and thumbs up. Yesterday, one of the delivery drivers in town told me that he is going to start calling me Socks so I guess I have a new nickname.

I am going to continue this tradition of fun socks. I told my kiddo yesterday that I need some Marvel socks. I also need to get some ankle socks for the summer that are fun but still visible. My Walking Dead ones that she got me are no show so they aren’t as fun.

In A Messy World posted this and I loved it. She didn’t tag people specifically but since I read constantly. Eighteen completed this year already, I figured I should to this..

BOOKMARKS OR RANDOM PIECES OF PAPER?

Definitely bookmarks – unless I cannot find one when needed. I never bend the pages.

STOP READING RANDOMLY
OR AFTER A CHAPTER/CERTAIN AMOUNT OF PAGES?

I rarely stop mid-chapter unless I am just not comprehending when I am reading due to fatigue.  I usually try and finish the whole book, even if I feel that the book’s getting boring. We never know how it may pan out, and  I feel that it’s respectful to finish what I started, particularly if I bought it. I’m always hopeful that it will get better, and I always want to read what happens in the end.

 DO YOU HAVE A CERTAIN PLACE AT HOME FOR READING?

I have several places I like to read at home. I read every night in bed, even if it is just ten minutes. It is part of my sleep routine. I will also read at my dining room table, patio, sofa, den. Anywhere I can get comfy at the moment and avoid distractions.

DO YOU EAT OR DRINK WHILST READING?

That depends on where and when and where I am. Unless I am eating with someone, which is rarely, I am always reading something. Even as a kid, it was the cereal boxes. I often eat while eating dinner or lunch. I will sit on my sofa and drink wine or tea when chilling with a book. In bed, nope, at least rarely.

MULTITASKING: MUSIC OR TV WHEN READING?

Nope, Books get my undivided attention. 

ONE BOOK AT A TIME OR SEVERAL?

I used to be a one book at a time person but now, not so much. When I was a one book at a time person, I was not a reader of many types of books and I would lose myself in the books. I cannot read two mysteries or horrors at the same time but I have learned that a novel with other genres going at the same time works well for me. My kindle goes with me everywhere, I always have one on my nightstand and sometimes on my work desk for lunch, instead of the kindle book. I think I have had up to five books going at a time. Just finished two this weekend.

 READING AT HOME OR EVERYWHERE?

I read everywhere except while driving but will use audio books from time to time. I go to Starbucks almost every Saturday, sit outside and read a bit. I read at lunch at work, I show up early everywhere and read a few minutes here and there. I have always been this way. Books are my best friends.

READING OUT LOUD OR SILENTLY?

The last time I read out loud, besides a passage here and there was the Harry Potter series as a family. 

BREAKING THE SPINE OR KEEPING IT LIKE NEW?

I try to keep my books as close to new as possible.

 DO YOU WRITE IN YOUR BOOKS?

Nope, never. I do not damage books.

LuckyLucky by Alice Sebold

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Wow. What a book. This is the true story of the author’s brutal rape and her recovery. She is so brutally honest and the book was so detailed that I could not put it down. The description of the rape was hard to read in such detail but I think it was important for the book for the readers to be able to relate even a little bit to her story. Hearing how her relationships changed with her friends and family was difficult to imagine. One scene that really stood out for me was when she tried to get her father to understand what happened to her and why she didn’t fight more. People so often judge and blame the victim. In this book, she talks about that frequently and how she actually tried to protect others from their discomfort. She was lucky to have a lot of support and one teacher that helped her have the strength to face her attacker in court and actually convict him. This was a book of strength and courage. It was well worth the read

View all my reviews

Occasionally, I will give out advice that really should not need to be given to my friends on Facebook. They all relate to my job in the parking world. I have decided to start sharing those here.

I am going to start with license plates. Most states in the US require s registration sticker on the vehicle AND for the plate to be readable. That applies even when you are NOT in your state. Unless you are from New Jersey or Pennsylvania, no matter where you are, you need to have visible proof of your registration on your vehicle. I don’t know if there are any other states that don’t require it at this time. That means if you are driving on our roads in Colorado, you can and may be pulled over by the police. They can run your plates to find out if you are registered and generally will just give a warning if you are registered. If you are PARKED, we can and I WILL give you a ticket in my town. Parking enforcement officers cannot run your plates to see if you’re registered and the law is that it has to be displayed. That means that even if you have it, you are breaking the law if it is not displayed. I will write a ticket if your year or month sticker are missing. You can prove your registration and maybe the ticket will be voided but I view these more as a warning to fix it before you get pulled over. If the police write you the ticket for registration, it is a much higher fine AND a moving citation so POINTS on your license.

The things I cannot write a ticket for but you can get pulled over for are things like a dirty plate that is unreadable or a worn out plate. I will politely tell you if I see you to replace your plate if needed. I will wash off a plate to read the registration. A police officer can give you a ticket for either. I have personally been pulled over for a temporary plate that was unreadable in the back window of a car.

My recommend that you look at your plates regularly. Every time you wash the windows, wash your plates and your lights. If you think about it, they are as dirty, if not worse, than your windows. You will also be keeping an eye on the plates wear and tear and if your stickers are valid. Many times, people that are expired say they never received the notice from the state but things get lost in the mail sometimes, it is put in the wrong box, you misplace it, etc. There are many reasons why we may not remember to register our cars but it is OUR responsibility. Take responsibility for yourself and your car and do what you can to avoid this ticket. Remember, we are just enforcing rules and all of the tickets I write are avoidable.