The year of the divorce (2013) was the second year that Denver had a Comic Con. We had known about it the year before as a friend  of mine had had her photo taken with James Marsters and I was quite jealous but I really never thought that Con was a place for me. I knew it was something my kids  would enjoy and in 2014, when it was announced that Stan Lee was going to be there, I knew I would never be forgiven if I didn’t bring them. I had no desire to attend. I was going through the divorce. I really wanted to hide from the world but bought tickets. We drove over 300 miles to my mom’s in Denver and went to the convention center the next morning. I was sure that I was going to be bored senseless. I brought a book and money for wine. Little did I know that I would love my weekend. I hardly saw my kids and didn’t read at all. I ended up people watching the entire time. I even had a gentleman buy me a glass of wine and we spent a few hours talking. I sure needed that.

This weekend just ended out fifth Con. One child was unable to attend but the three of us that did go had a great time. We have become avid cosplayers and we all have our different things that we like to do at Con. My youngest loves to go to gaming and cosplay panels and hang with friends. I love going to celebrity panels and meeting the various celebrities. My oldest does the same as I do, for the  most part but spends a LOT more money on autographs and photos. I love getting to know that a celebrity that I like is a good person. Occasionally, we find out the opposite. My middle kiddo likes to people watch and meet people. She rarely meets celebrities or even goes to panels.

I am not a person that normally likes crowds but it is so different when you are in a crowd of nerds. It is funny how polite everyone is. Everyone is just enthralled with others creativity. We talk to so many strangers. I love seeing all the different fandoms and have developed a lot of new ones due to Con.When you bump into someone at Con, both of you apologize profusely. You do not hear about fights. You are much more likely to get a random hug than a scowl. Due to Con, I have embraced my nerdiness. I plan on sharing some of my Con experiences here, too. I definitely have some new loves after this year. None that are relationship bound but actors that I will follow after finding out what amazing humans they are. I will share in a later post.

One of the many things I love about my job is all the people that I get to see and meet. Some  of these people bring me joy, actually, most do, but there are a few that do not. I am going to try to start blogging more about the people in my neighborhood that I encounter at work.  I will say that some of my favorite people are the eye candy. There are a lot of men in this town that are very fit. We have a lot of bike riders that have amazing legs. I also love meeting some of the various tourists and students. There is always a story.

One gentleman that has caught my eye is the Barber. I have no idea why this man has caught my eye. He has a long beard, which I normally do not like. He smokes, which I detest BUT that man sure can wear a pair of jeans. He catches my eye every time I see him. He is married with a young child so he is just someone that I enjoy looking at. He always looks so nice. He wears nice jeans, nice  shirt, and a vest almost every day. He is always well groomed. We have only exchanged a few words since I first noticed him. I have no idea what his name is but I do know where he works. He is one that brings me a smile every day.

I, once again, am baffled by humans. My friend, the ex-con, dumped me today as a friend. I have no idea what happened. When he first got his parole transfer to Arizona, I figured I would never hear from him again. Not only did I hear from him but he wanted me to come visit. I was in the process of planning a trip when he told me that he had met someone. We texted a few times after that but eventually, he quit texting. I sent him a message yesterday just saying that I hope he was doing well. He responded today yes and please don’t message him again. WOW. I am just baffled. Originally, I was quite hurt. I thought that we were friends. For several months,  I was his only friend outside the halfway house. We had fun together. I felt so comfortable with him. My guess is that the new gal doesn’t want him talking to me. That is fine but he could tell me that. I hate not having closure and not understanding why. I guess this was better than being ghosted. I told him that I would leave his life but would like to know why. I unfriended him and deleted the conversation and his number from my phone. I will never beg someone to stay in my life again and I deserve better than he gave me today. I did tell him that I was hurt before I said goodbye. In the final text, I told him that I had deleted everything and that he ever wanted to talk again that the ball was in his court. I will be surprised if I ever do hear from him. I do wish him well and have missed his friendship. I guess it is over now.   I don’t understand as it takes a LOT for me to dump a friend. There are only a few people in my life that I have ever cut out and I have tried to let them know why.

Here I am sitting in my den with my dogs, alone, on a holiday. The kids are at work. There are events going on, of course, but I really didn’t feel like going to these alone.  This is such a family day. My friends are with their families and I have my dogs. I guess this is a good day to get some  things done around the house and get some blogs written.

It is funny how most of the time I am not lonely anymore. I am truly content being alone most of the time.  can do what I want, when i want. Read, watch TV, take a walk, ride my motorcycle. Eat dessert for breakfast. cook if I choose, I really do enjoy the freedom BUT there are times that it is super lonely and things that I really miss. I miss family meals. For twenty-three years, we had a sit down meal almost every night. We would laugh, talk, share our day, dreams, etc. I miss that so much that it sometimes hurts. Now I get that rarely. I eat by myself most of the time. I am most  lonely when my emotions are high. When I am super sad or excited about something, I miss having a partner to share things with. I miss having someone to run things by before a decision is made. I do not miss them telling me what I can do but advice and a helpful ear is definitely missed. I miss having someone to share fun and bad times with. I miss having someone that is my best friend in all ways. Good thing that my pup listens well. 😉

Today I am lonely. I wish I had someone to BBQ with, to drink a beer or two with. To snuggle with and watch fireworks. Instead, I am home….alone….. and will be until I go to bed. I tried to stay up and positive today but as the day goes on, it is getting worse. Oh well, this is now my life. I need to get used to it.

I never thought that watching someone else’s break-up would devastate me so personally but I was wrong. My best friend (ex-bf) and his new girlfriend broke up about ten days ago. I cried for two days. I am just absolutely heart- broken for him. He loves her so much. They were going to go back east to meet his family and she was in the process of moving in with him when she broke it off. He was stunned and I am struggling.

After a couple of days, I realized two things. I was heart-broken for him. I thought he had finally found what he was looking for.  He was so damn happy and I so wanted that for him. The second thing I realized was they gave me  hope. To have her walk away so suddenly when things were so good, makes me have less faith that I might find someone. I truly believe a lot of what happened to them was cold feet for her but he is so angry and hurt that he says he doesn’t want to try if she decided she wants to.

I do not understand. We are all in our fifties. She admits she loves him. He loves her. Why the hell are they both so damn stubborn and not willing to work through the issue. I am done crying over them and will be there for him so he won’t withdraw from the world. I sure wish they could work things out. I loved seeing him so happy. Now, I get to worry about him.

The Canadian was supposedly sick and last I spoke to him was one week ago. He was supposedly going back home for a wedding and was going to be back on Monday. I told him I was leaving town on Thursday and he asked if we could go out one night before I left (Mon- Wed). I told him that I would like that and then waited.

Today is Wednesday.  It is now after nine at night and I haven’t heard from him at all. He has disappeared from the dating site. I figure he must be married or something. I will NOT be giving him another chance. I will not be contacting him. I will  not be fretting about this. It is his loss. I am so good without him. Even if he is not a lying creep, I want a man that is reliable. He is definitely not it.

And then there was one

via Daily Prompt: Commit

I commit to allowing myself to fail without tearing myself down afterwards.

I commit to allowing myself to retreat and cry and not feel as if I owe anyone a reason why.

I commit to allow only those people in my life who support me and want to see me succeed, not those who seek to tear me down.

I commit to allowing myself to make mistakes in a relationship and not feel as if everything is my fault.

I commit to only loving a partner who truly sees me as for who I am and not who they want me to be.

I commit to me, to always be the best I can be but also know that even when I am not, I am still the best version of me.

Happy Friday everyone – enjoy the weekend.

#dailyprompt

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