dating


They say the third time is the charm. Three times you are out. I think that Broncos Fan just blew any chance with me. I shared previously how he blew me off on my birthday. 

We worked past that but it definitely make me look at things with him differently. Things had started off so good and I actually thought that we might develop into something. After that incident, I stepped back and decided that I really needed to take it slow with him. I am so glad that I changed my tone. He has now blown me off not once, not twice, not even three times but FOUR!!!! My birthday was bad enough but I wasn’t heartbroken. I mentioned that we were supposed to get together that Tuesday. I messaged him asking about the plans and he cancelled on me. He stated that he had to be in town at 0730 the next morning so didn’t think he could handle going out. I let him off the hook but I was really bothered. I live thirty minutes farther from town than he does. If we had gone out, I would have gotten home later than him and had to be at work in town at 0800 the next morning. He would been home more than an hour longer than I would have been so I felt he wimped out on me. The third time he flaked out on me was something coming up this weekend. My family has access to Denver Broncos tickets. I had invited him to go to the game with me this Sunday. He originally said yes and was supposedly excited to join me.  I put in for a vacation day on Monday and it was a date. He was looking for a new job and was lucky to find one pretty quickly BUT when he took the job, he had his start day be this Monday. I do know that maybe there wasn’t a choice BUT usually when you start a job, you can say, I have plans on such and such a day, can I start the next day. I have never had that be a problem when I was hired somewhere. I decided to let it go  but due to having some other problems, I almost had to cancel the trip, I got things worked out and a friend of mine is going with me. Tonight was the last one, He has been out of town for a week. We haven’t seen each other since the 1st. He called me last night and said he wanted to see me before I left town tomorrow. We planned a date for tonight. I think all we were going to do was hang at his place and watch some television and then I would have driven my 30 minutes home to my place to drive to Denver (almost 6 hours) tomorrow. This morning, he texts me and told me that today was going to be too busy for him and he was going to have to cancel. I told him okay but was not a happy woman.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend and I had a girls day. We talked a lot about our kids and their relationships. One of the things that she said that wishes that she could get her kids to realize is that what we see at the beginning is the best it is going to be. If someone is unreliable at the beginning that is not going to get better. I remember thinking then that it was a wise thing for all of us single people to remember. Broncos Fan is a nice man but he is not wanting to make sacrifices or make the time to spend it with me. If it were important to him, he would. I think maybe he was right when he said that we should just be friends. I can enjoy watching football with him but the man that I want to date wants to make time to be with me. I need to let him know this but first, I am heading out of town for a few days.  I deserve a man that puts me first and shows that I am important to him.

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The pilot came into town last Friday. I was so excited all day. I was unsure before if he would really like him when we hadn’t been drinking all day. We met at Brewfest and had been tasting beer for hours. I know that I was a bit tipsy and was really enjoying the flirting. I was honestly just looking to get laid that day. I hadn’t had sex in months and he was fun and cute. That didn’t happen but we had fooled around and enjoyed each others company. When he said that he was going to come back to visit me, I was surprised but since he has his own plane, getting here is not as difficult. We chatted a few times during the week but I was still a bit unsure. I was pretty sure that he was going to cancel at the last minute. I have definitely gotten so I have little confidence in men and their words. He texted me the morning of and told me he was on his way. He texted me when he was about halfway here and then again when he was flying above my town. I actually looked up and saw his plane. He took an Uber to town and got a hotel room. I got off work about an hour later and went over. I was a little nervous. I was a lot excited. I came in, we chatted a bit and discussed our plans for the weekend. I have a shop local coupon book so we decided to use some of those when he was in town. We discussed payments for the date. He said that he was taking me out so for me not to worry about it. He was leaving Sunday morning so we had from 5pm Friday until 8am Sunday for our first date. He wanted to go somewhere nice so I chose the Seafood/Steak place in town. I cleaned up after my busy day walking, put on my sexy red dress and we went out. Dinner was great. We had nice appetizers and I had salmon and he had trout for dinner. We both had a drink. After dinner, we went to another bar in town that I like and had a drink there. We walked around town a little bit. I believe that is all we did that night and went back to the hotel where we chatted a lot and then, of course, we had amazing sex. Oh what a wonderful night this was and it was just the beginning.

I slept so much better than I expected, strange man, strange bed. I woke up so energetic and ready to go. Before he had gotten here, we had discussed going on a hike and soaking at the local hot springs but then he threw a wrench in the plans. I had planned a fairly long hike but he wanted to take me up in his plane. I had only been in a small prop plane once in my life and did not like it. It was back in 1987 on a flight from here to Denver. Sitting in the back, tiny windows, bouncing around, it was NOT fun. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go up but I figured that I would give it a try. I love a challenge. I love adventure. He asked if I thought I could eat first so we went out to a local place and had a great breakfast and headed out to the airport. His plane is a little four seater similar to this one. Grumman-American AA-5 Traveler [1974] N7107L-L

He went through the entire preflight check and showed me everything that he was doing. He had me get in and we were off. I was surprisingly not scared. We were up for about an hour. We started off flying out to my house so I could show him where I lived. I think he was surprised how out in the boonies I live. After that, he took my hand, put it on the controls and had me fly the plane. I was so excited. I had no idea he was taking pictures at first but I am so glad that he did. I had no idea that flying a plane was appealing to me. After about an hour and flying over my house and my town and county, we headed back to the airport.6I had to choose a new hike as the one I had chosen was a long hike and by this time, it was too late to start a long hike and still have soaking time. We chose a short in town hike that takes you to a view to look at the town in a different aspect than from the plane. After that, we headed off to the hot springs. I had been given a couple of free passes and I thought that would be a good way to use them. We spent a couple of hours soaking and talking until I realized that I was hungry. We went to one of my favorite places in town and had a couple of tacos. After changing clothes and getting cleaned up, we went back out on the town. I had a couple of “buy one pint, get one free” from a couple of places so we went to them and then to the distillery and had a drink and watched the live music there. It was so comfortable with him and such a wonderful weekend. Sunday morning came way too soon as he wanted to take off in the calm morning. I have no idea when I am going to see him again but cannot wait. So much for just a hook-up.

So much has happened since my last post. Two weekends ago, I had a date with Broncos fan. We went to a bar after work and had a couple of drinks and then went back to his place. We fooled around a bit but talked more than anything.  Eventually, he asked me to be his girl but I told him no. It had been less than a week since he told me that he wasn’t sure he wanted to date. He is not ready and I am not ready for a commitment with anyone.  We went to his bed to watch a film in bed but we couldn’t find anything on the tv that we wanted to watch. He had me roll over and gave me a massage until I fell asleep. We were supposed to go hiking the next day but when we woke up, it was cloudy and raining. He had an errand to run and afterwards, we decided since the weather wasn’t conducive to hiking, we stayed in and watched films all day. We had a nice relaxing day. We did eventually have sex but, unfortunately, I am not thrilled with a few things about him physically. One, he  is very hairy. I honestly do not know if I can get used to that. He also wears a semi-permanent hair piece that feels weird to touch. I think I would rather have a bald man than one with obvious lines that you feel when you touch their hair. He is sweet and we never run out of things to say but he has shown himself to be a bit fickle and unreliable. He has flaked out three times in the one month since we went on our first date.  He is also a perfect gentleman, holds doors, walks on the street side, and stands when I enter a room. He makes me laugh. He has made three CD’s for me of music that he wanted to share with me. He gave me a couple Broncos things that I will treasure. He talks too much and interrupts often but he does seem to care about how I feel about things and when I pointed out that he interrupts a bit, he has consciously tried to be aware of it. He has been out of town for a week. We have texted a bit but he was learning his new job and I was busy over the weekend and at work this week so we haven’t talked much. We might be able to  get together before I leave town Saturday, depending on wen he gets back. I am real glad that he flaked out on me quickly as it has made me take this one real slow and not rush things. I am going in with my eyes open. Next…..the date with the Pilot.

When I was talking to Broncos Fan the other day, he was asking a little bit about my dating history. I have noticed that often times men do this. I am not sure why. I eventually want to know if they understand why previous relationships have failed but I do not want to know who they have dated, how many they have slept with or any details like that. I want to know if they have learned from their mistakes or if they only blame the ex for the break ups (red flag). If I meet an ex of theirs, I assume that they at least tried to have sex. I don’t need to know details. I don’t care how many women they have slept with as long as it was consensual and not cheating on someone else. I wonder if most men feel the same way. I will admit that I have had sex with more than the average woman has. Before I was married, it was how I was looking for love. I had horrible self esteem and thought it was the only way a man would ever love me. In turn, I often felt used and ended up feeling worse about myself. I didn’t enjoy sex. I thought it was gross. I was raised Catholic. Sex was something you had to do with your husband to have kids but you aren’t supposed to enjoy it. I never did. I was a prude. I had sex to be loved but I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t play. I didn’t do much, definitely not blow jobs.

I got married and had an okay sex life at the beginning but then he got heavy and quit taking care of himself. He could go days without brushing his teeth and even with hard sweaty labor, rarely took a shower on the weekends. Now sex was not only a gross chore but it was with someone gross. Our sex life became nil. I remember crying myself to sleep after sex many times as I felt so empty afterwords. I felt from early in our marriage that he didn’t care who he was with as long as he was getting sex. By the time we got divorced, I never thought I would have sex again and didn’t care. I eventually had sex about six months later. It was fun but I still had my hangups about sex but then I met BFF/ex-bf.

He was clean, he was fun. I still think that he is sexy as hell and sex was GREAT. Funny thing about it is, as a typical over 50 man, things didn’t always work but it was always wonderful and fun. I learned that sex is fun and can be enjoyable for both parties. It is not just a chore. I learned that there are men that really enjoy pleasing the woman. My standards went up and now I love sex. I felt sexy and beautiful for the first time in my life, even while naked.

I am definitely not a prude and I am not going to go without if I am not with anyone. Does a man really want to know who I have slept with or how many? I am brutally honest. I am not going to lie about it so if they ask me, I will answer truthfully. I am not ashamed of my sexuality. It took me to almost fifty before I learned to enjoy one of the most natural things we mammals get to experience. Broncos fan asked a couple of things and I answered truthfully. I don’t even remember what it was but he jokingly said I was a slut. I said, “Yes, I know.” He stopped and said that he didn’t want me to be a slut. I wonder if he will be able to handle the truth if he keeps asking things. I won’t lie or hide things from him but I am also not going to volunteer everything. I told him not to ask anything he doesn’t want to know the answer to.

After the coffee/walk date on Sunday, Bronco fan texted me and told me that he had reservations about kissing me as he wasn’t sure what it meant. I texted him back and told him that it didn’t mean anything more than he liked me and is attracted to me. I told him that it didn’t change anything or any expectations and that I wanted to kiss him, too. We agreed to hang out and take it slowly.  Last night was really nice. I went to his place after work and he had made a dinner for us. We watched a show from ESPN on YouTube about John Elway and just chilled and talked while we ate.  After dinner, we started talking, cuddling and making out. As horny as I am, I am not pushing sex with him. If he struggles with what a kiss means, I can only imagine what sex would do to his confusion. I do not need him either running away because we have sex or declaring his love already. He is apt to do either. I always have an overnight bag in my car as I live 30 minutes from town. If I need to crash in town for some reason, I am always prepared but he doesn’t know that yet. I actually wouldn’t have minded just sleeping at his place last night as I got home real late and am very tired today but it is probably best.

We did make out a lot and discussed a bit about previous dating. I saw a tab on his PC open with Zoosk when he was setting up the show so that opened up conversation. I shared things that he asked but also told him that I will not lie to him so do not ask anything he doesn’t want the answer to. I won’t overshare either. I have gone on a lot of  first dates since my divorce, fewer second dates, have had a few short flings, one boyfriend, and a couple FWB. If he wants to know these things, he will be told honestly but I do not think I need to share voluntarily at this time.

I teased him a bit about being okay with kissing me. He said he changed his mind and that he was being the “girl” in our relationship. I quickly reminded him that there is no relationship at this time. We actually discussed a little about no commitment and no expectations. I am not ready to make a commitment to him and I mentioned to him about someone else asking me out on Monday. He said that it was okay and I told him he could do the same.

We are making plans for this weekend. I am not sure what but I do really enjoy being with him. There are things that I am not sure wouldn’t drive me crazy long term. We will see. He is a non-stop talker. I am not used to that but he is so kind, polite, and gentle. He is a good man and I forgive him for what he did on my birthday. He is just not sure what he wants and that enabled me to slow down and not screw up either.

This past week has been quite interesting. I was so upset after I was friend-zoned by Broncos fan on Monday night. My stress jumped up and my inflammation sky-rocketed. I was hurting physically and mentally all week. Broncos fan had said he wanted to be friends so I decided to just act like friends. He has applied for a job at our local post office and I saw something about them needing to hire a lot of people and asked if he had heard anything. He told me he hadn’t yet and asked if I knew anyone. I just happen to know the local postmaster and told him I would ask him to look at the application. I cannot get someone a job BUT I can bring their name to the bosses attention. We talked a few times over the week but not a lot. I did tell him that I wanted to talk in person so we set a date for a walk and coffee on Sunday morning.

In the mean time, I was feeling very lonely and horny and sad. My married guy set up a date with me on Friday night. I thought we were only meeting for a drink but I so needed some companionship. He had plans that night with clients and I had a party to go to and we were going to meet afterwards. I went to my event and didn’t hear from him. When I left, I texted him and his clients had cancelled and he had gone home and forgot about our date. I am done with him. I understand that I cannot be his priority but he forgot me. He apologized but I haven’t heard from him again. He was the only one from the past that I felt that I could still be a FWB with. Nope.

My weekend did have quite an interesting turn though. The event on Friday night was a VIP party for our local Brewfest. I splurge every year for this since my divorce. I love the event and there are a few people that I only see there. I am talking to my friends and these guys walk by me, one is quite tall and catches my eye. The other one sees me and asks if we have met before.  I will call him The Pilot. He comes up for this Brewfest every year so it is possible. We chat for a while but this was a short event as the big party was on Saturday all day. I left a little disappointed that we did not talk longer. He was cute and friendly. His son, the tall one, was nice, too but I was definitely attracted to dad. Saturday, I ran into them a few times and we talked a lot. Eventually, we decided to have a drink after the event and exchanged phone numbers. We met at a local bar that I go to frequently. He bought me a drink but after five hours of beer, I had no desire to drink anymore so we just talked for a while. It turned out that we were so comfortable with each other. At some point, we kissed and I asked if we could go back to his hotel room. I don’t normally do this but I sure needed the physical touch. We fooled around quite a bit but between his nerves and too much beer we were not able to complete the act but it was so much FUN. He made me laugh, we played, we snuggled. He asked if he could fly up again to see me. He walked me back to the bar where my kiddo drove me home and back in the next day for my coffee date with Broncos Fan.

That went real well. It was a little awkward at first but we are so comfy with each other. Eventually, we discussed what happened with us and he told me that even his friend chewed him out for what he did. He was told that he started things and was very flirtatious with me. I agreed with that and he apologized. We walked the river walk a bit, held hands and even kissed a bit. We went back to his car and had a very nice kiss goodbye after he asked me for a date. He is cooking me dinner on Tuesday.

So, I guess it is feast or famine. I now have a date with Broncos fan on Tuesday and we are going to “hang out” with no expectations or commitments for now and The Pilot is coming back on September 8th to spend the weekend with me. I wonder if either of these guys are my future. I am not going to rush either of them but they are both fun, cute, and obviously enjoy being with me. There are pros and cons of both of them. The pilot lives a ways away but can be here in a couple of hours and can whisk me away places. He was talking about Mexico the other day. I need a beach occasionally. He is a little younger but not much. Broncos fan has so many pluses. I will just take it one day, text, date at a time and see where things go.

I was so excited about Bronco Fan but didn’t want to be. We chatted a lot early last week. He even tracked me down in town one day to see me.  We talked quite a bit about things we wanted to do in the future- camping, Mexico, Broncos games, Hockey games.  I was very good about not texting him all the time. I was trying to walk the fine line of not enough and too much. I really thought that there was a chance of a future with him.

He left town on Thursday to go to Denver to close on the house he was selling up there. He was supposed to get back on Saturday and his last text to me was that he would contact me Saturday when he got home to discuss dinner on Sunday- which was my birthday. He never wrote again. I didn’t text him until Sunday Morning to ask him if we were still having my birthday dinner together. He texted back that he would not make it and was still in Denver.

Last night, he called me and told me that he realized that we are in two different places. I want a relationship and he is not ready to date. He asked if we could still be friends. I so wanted to yell that I have enough fucking friends but I didn’t. It really hurt me that his switch changed so damn fast. He assured me that it was him and not me but I have heard that from others. I am tired to being rejected and told it isn’t me. I am so glad that we never had sex. I had thought we might on my birthday night. Oh well.

Two weeks ago, I was perfectly fine being alone. Why the fuck did I answer that message and open up to someone again? Now I am feeling lonely again.

 

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