Random thoughts


We never know when an act of kindness can be real important to someone. My middle child taught me this years ago. She randomly compliments people all the time. One day, I had a friend tell me that she had met my kiddo at the movie theater the night before. My kid worked there at the time. My kiddo complimented her and Nikki so appreciated it. I don’t remember what the compliment was but I am sure Nikki does. After that, I try to do the same with people all the time. With my job, I see so many people every day. It is not uncommon for me to tell someone that they have a great smile, nice shoes, nice hair or something along those lines. The people always perk up when I do this but sometimes, it comes back to me.

Today, I had a gal stop me and say my name, which is not a common name. She reminded me that a while ago, on her birthday, I had written her a ticket and she came out right afterwards. We have a policy that if we choose to, we can call in and request a warning for someone. They are allowed one per calendar year. She was nice at the time so I did this for her. When they were checking her account, she let me know that it was her birthday. When she was telling me this, it came back to me. It was several weeks ago. I told her that I was hoping that I could dismiss it for her for her birthday. I knew that there was something else to the story but I didn’t remember what. She reminded me how she is also going through a divorce. I did what I always do. I gave support. I asked her if she had a good support system. I told her that if she needed to talk to find me at work. We are a small town. I don’t remember all the conversation from a few weeks ago but we continued it today. She told me how much my kindness that day helped. She was having a hard time. First birthday separated is hard for sure. She told me how she tells everyone about my kindness and thanked me for being there for her. We chatted a few minutes about things and then went about our days. I went back to patrolling and almost cried. I am so glad that I was able to cheer her day and give her hope. I love my job in that I can do that. Yes, I write tickets but in the time of my work day it is such a small part. I do things like this more often. It also made me remember how the kindness of others helped me five years ago when I was going through my divorce. We need to remember to be kind to people. We never know what is going on in their lives. A small gesture that means nothing to us, can mean the world to them.

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I know that I have mentioned before that I am too busy to date and now it is becoming an issue. The photographer and I have gone out a few more times. We spent one lovely day together. Took his Porsche to a neighboring town, had lunch, soaked in the hot springs, then had a nice dinner. During lunch, he told me that he is developing feelings for me and would like to see if things develop. We haven’t been out since because of our schedules. I am still not sure if I want to date him. I really enjoy his company but am not physically attracted to him. We also have a problem that he is a spontaneous person. I live 40 minutes from town. I need to know what my plans are before I leave my house in the morning. It affects how I dress, do my hair, if I put on make up, if I need to plan dinner. I also have pets that need to be taken care of so I need to make sure the roommate (my adult child) will be able to take care of them. If I am coming straight home after work, I tend to just throw on a pair of jeans and t-shirt. I change into a uniform when I get to work and then come home in the same jeans and t shirt. There are times that I leave my house thinking that I might go out and will prepare accordingly BUT for the most part, I am a planner. I know what I am doing every night this week after work and will have my weekend planned by Thursday night. The photographer will contact me at four during a weeknight and want to go out that night. By then, if I don’t have plans to go out, I have plans to go home and chill. My mindset is on relaxing. I walk over ten miles a day at work. I cannot go out every night. I need to sleep a lot to give my muscles time to recover. I can be spontaneous if I know I am spending the time with the person and we can play things by ear. That is what we did on that date three weeks ago. I just need to do some planning. In the mean time, I have had a few real quiet weekends and have gotten so I really am enjoying my own company more than ever. I did have a nice night with R this weekend but for the most part, I have not been dating and am very comfortable with that.

 

Here in my small town, we have had an event every winter for forty years now.  Snowdown  is a zany crazy week and every year has a new theme. People dress in costumes and do silly things and lots of drinking. I started taking the time off work after my divorce and really enjoying the time.

There are some events that go on all week. One event that my family has done since my kids were little is Find the Silver Bullet. Someone hides a  6 inch bullet somewhere in town and clues are given on the radio five times a day. The prize package starts at $250 but as the week goes on more and more prizes are added. There have been years that it has been a couple of thousand dollars in prizes. Needless to say, I live my life this week scheduling around listening to clues. We have almost found it a few times. Three years ago, we probably stepped on it and my eldest was standing next to the lady that found it. My eldest won’t get here until tonight this year so I have been texting her and my son clues and I have been the one doing the physical part. I don’t think we are going to find it this year. We will see.

This year the theme is Black Tie Affair so people are dressed to the nine’s this year. Lots of wonderful suits. I love a sharp dressed man. I had to be different so this was me last night. I had so many comments and fun flirts. I spent most of the evening with BFF. I think he enjoyed all the attention I was getting.

A Black Tie Affair

We started out just having a drink and then went to watch Butt Darts. People take a quarter in their butt, walk backwards and drop it on a target or something. I didn’t watch much. We were busy talking to people and then BFF played wingman and got me a phone number of an acquaintance of his that we ran into.  We walked down the street and he went up to the Euchre tournament and I went to the Magical Musical Mystery Tour. Eventually, he came down there and we went to the Gong Show and then the 80s dance. I think the funniest part of the night was when we were watching the Gong show and some woman came up and grabbed my ass. By the time we left that bar, she had grabbed my ass and boobs a few times. Just another night at Snowdown.

I am excited that tonight, my eldest gets here for the rest of the week so we can play. Today, I will be on my own for most of the day. I am about to go put on my little black dress and tomorrow I will be back in my tails.

Keep Moving: And Other Truths About Living Well LongerKeep Moving: And Other Truths About Living Well Longer by Dick Van Dyke

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

For once, I am really glad I listened to a book instead of read it. This felt like sitting down with Dick Van Dyke and having him share stories and insights with me. All my life I have enjoyed talking to older people and hearing their stories and having one of my favorites do it was awesome. ‘He talked about so many things in this book. He talks about his family and friends. He talks about politics and religion. He talks about aging and mostly, he spoke about love. He made me laugh and he made me cry. I loved how he spoke about his wives, all three of them. He has been a lucky man to have found the “love of his life” more than once. I loved the part when he was talking about his dog and his current wife. I could see his wife slowly falling for the dog and becoming his greatest defender. I loved hearing him talk about his brother Jerry. I could have listened for many more chapters.

I highly recommend this book to anyone. There were great things about every chapter.

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Life has been a bit busy and crazy for the past few weeks. I thought about blogging many times and about many things BUT just have not been taking the time. I have 24 more hours with my son home and I have been enjoying every moment we have had together. I also have been doing a lot of reading and self reflection. One of the first guys I dated after my divorce was the most positive person that I have ever met. I asked him how he could always be so positive and he told me that it was because of this book by Tony Robbins that he read.

I have finally been reading this book after almost four years. I will go into it a bit in a later blog but I wanted to share one major thing that I have realized. I am GLAD that I have been alone mostly for the past five years. It has enabled me to grow. It has enabled me to learn who I really am. Time (and this book) have given me the ambition to set goals again. My life had been, for so long, all about our kids, our marriage, his career. Our kids are grown, our marriage is over and his career doesn’t affect me anymore. I have not been focusing on goals for years now. If I had stayed in the relationship with BFF or gotten serious with someone else, my focus would have become on them, their wishes, their lives, etc. This has been a great time of growth for ME and maybe, eventually, I will be able to let someone back in that fits into MY GOALS. I truly love myself and enjoy my own company. I am setting my own goals and have my own dreams now all because I have taken the time to get to know me- post marriage.

Before I was married, my mother used to host a party on Christmas Eve. She didn’t do it very long but I enjoyed it and when I got married, I continued the tradition. When the kids got to school age, we changed the date so it was a Saturday before Christmas. For many years, it has been the highlight of the holiday. I have baked for a month prior to the party. Cookies and breads galore.  A few main dishes, side dishes, chocolate fountain. For many years, we had a pool table (the ex got rid of it two months before he filed for divorce- I gave in to make him happy) We have  dart board, air hockey table. When the kids were younger, we let them have one friend spend the night every year. One young man has only missed a couple of these parties since he was about five. He is twenty now. We have had as few as ten people come and as many as sixty come and go. We have had clear skies and almost blizzards but it has happened every year. Every so often, during my bad years, I would threaten to cancel the party due to stress but was always glad that I didn’t. The event was always one of my favorite nights of the year. After the divorce, I almost stopped but the kids still really wanted it to happen. Some of the best ones have been the past few years. We pulled out the karaoke machine, board games, and just enjoyed the time BUT it has been more and more difficult for all the kids to be here. The middle one has been late or missed due to work for years. She won’t be able to be here at all tomorrow. My son has to work  and miss the first few hours. The eldest is driving down tomorrow and has no idea when she will be here. I have been working so much as have the kids so hardly anything is ready for tomorrow night.

I made a decision today. This is the last one. I basically cancelled it today. I told a few people to still come. Tomorrow I will clean house and make cookies. We only have a few old time guests coming, including that young man. Next year, my kids and I will not be hosting this party. Our lives are so different now. They have jobs, boyfriends or girlfriends. I am trying to date. I love our party but no longer want to make this a have to event every year. We may choose to do something smaller from time to time but no longer will we have a date set in stone for a year. No longer will  I spend a ton of money and time on this party. The kids will be free to go hang with friends during the holiday time when they are in town and their friends are home, too.I will have the freedom to go with a boyfriend (if I have one) to other events.

It has been a good long run. I have hosted this party 25 times in 27 years. There are many things that I will miss but it sometimes is good to change traditions. I wonder how I will feel next December when I do not have a party to plan and prepare for. Only time will tell but I imagine that I will be more free with money and time and that will be good.

Over the past ten years or so, I have been working real hard to try and look at things differently. I have never been an optimistic person by nature. I think it is part of my depressive nature. My mother used to tell me all the time to not be so negative. Since my last depressive episode, this has been a goal of mine. I knew that I had to try and make changes to save my life. I have gotten pretty good at this recently and today was a good example of it. Today, it was snowing. It is our first snow of the season. I love snow and was so excited. On my way to work, when I got to the highway, I never was able to get any traction and slid off the road almost immediately. I went straight off an embankment and slid into the bushes. I was sure that I was going to flip the car but luckily, that did not occur. When I came to a stop, I immediately called USAA to get my roadside assistance. I sat there for a while  waiting to hear when the tow truck would be there. I had many people stop to check on me but I was fine. I was told that there were several cars off the road in the next couple of miles so I knew that it might be a while.When the USAA gal called, she let me know that it would be about two hours before the tow truck driver got there. Instead of getting upset, I planned on walking home (about 1.5 miles) and thanked her. The driver called and told me it wouldn’t be that long so I decided to hang out in the car and read. Several years ago, I would have been sobbing by now. I would have been stressing about work, my car, money, everything. Today, I sat there and read and enjoyed watching the snow fall.

I had so many people stop by- a few that I knew but many that I did not. I had one guy stop and ask me if I needed anything, I told him (jokingly) that I wanted more tea. He actually went home and brought me a travel mug full of hot water, a thermos with more, several teas, sugar, a blanket. I had never seen this man before. He told me to call if I needed a ride home or anything else. When he left, that is when I cried. I couldn’t believe the kindness of strangers. Eventually, the tow truck got there. He had a hard time getting my car out safely but managed and I drove to work. The rest of the drive was uneventful. An event that would have stressed me out years ago instead made me look at life in a good way. I was glad it was snowing. I was glad my car and I were fine. I was happy with where I have chosen to call home. I was loving seeing random acts of kindness from so many. I was smiling like a fool all day., so happy about the snow. Nothing could shake that happiness, not even sitting in a car, in a ditch, for three hours. Actually, the worst part of the day was needing to pee after drinking all the tea. I had to climb through the other side of my car to pee in the bushes. It really upset the cows on the other side of the fence but it was worth it.

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