Fun


Last weekend, I went on a short ice cream date when I went to visit my son. My son was at an event so I figured I would do something. The guy talked about how much he hated various things and ended up making a very racist remark to me and then told me how he is not racist. I left that “date” once again wondering why I even bother anymore. I love my life. Most of the time I am not lonely. Do I really want to bring someone into my life that is going to take my time away from the things that are important to me? From what I have seen since I started dating it most men want to change us into who they want us to be. I am not “good enough” for them for whatever reason OR they are not right for me. I keep meeting men that are religious (even though I am very clear that I won’t date a religious man), crude,  or needy. Is it so much to ask to find a man that is non-religious. We are now a large part of the community. Is it so much to ask to find a man that can speak in proper English (most of the time), reads books, listens to music, is athletic and takes care of himself and cares for humanity? He doesn’t have to match me 100% but there are some things that are very important to me. I want him to have teeth. I want him to be well kept. I don’t want to be with a fat man that does not take care of himself. I walk almost ten miles a day for work. I also do karate 2 times a week. I hike on weekends. I kayak, I love football. I do drink but can have fun without it. I ski. I don’t want a partner that wants to sit on his ass and watch TV all the time, though I do love to watch television and movies. I read a lot. I would love to have someone to share books and discuss books with. I am very liberal so a Trump supporter does not fit in my life but many of them ask me out because I am cute. I am fifty years old but don’t look it. I am about 120 pounds trying to gain muscle mass but I want more than a physical relationship. I want to be physically attracted to my partner. It would be great to find someone to go to Comic Con with, as well as brew fests, film festivals, and wine festivals. I have gotten so I am comfortable going by myself. Is that a good or bad thing. I am finding that the longer that I am single and alone, the less tolerant I am of partner issues. Last weekend, my mom and daughter also came to visit my son. We had four of us trying to decide where to eat. I am so used to making decisions without anyone’s input anymore. I was really having a hard time with the indecision. Finally I just said that I didn’t care where I went. I would have a beer at one place and a margarita at the other. That was when my mom finally put in an opinion. For breakfast the next day, I just made a decision. Will I ever be able to let someone completely into my life again? One of my concerns with men I meet are ones that have never been in a long relationship because I am afraid that they will not be able to handle the changes of one. Am I becoming that person? Am I doomed to be my mother and single the rest of my life? I love who I am and how I am growing in independence daily but it scares me, also. There are days or moments that I am lonely sometimes lonely as hell. Days that I just want someone to love me. Today is one of them. Here is it Mother’s Day and I am all alone. I have three great kids but they are grown. I am no longer the focus of their lives, as it should be. The oldest had the morning with her boyfriend and is at home 300 miles away right now. The middle one that lives with me had to work today. The youngest hasn’t come home for the summer from college yet.  I have spent the day doing chores in my house but not as much as I should have. Most of the day has been spent paying bills and watching Shanarrah Chronicles. I started drinking margarita’s a drink ago. It would have been nice to not be alone today. Tomorrow is a quiet day but then Tuesday through Thursday, I go non-stop. I get up, go to work, and eat all day. After work, I either have my karate class or my atheist meeting. By Friday, I am usually exhausted so if I have no plans that night, I am actually usually relieved but going out for an hour or two after work is not a terrible thing. Saturday is my errand day if I stay in town. I also take an hour or two to sit at Starbucks with a coffee, a book, and my pup (outside patio). I really enjoy my Saturdays. Sometimes, I go on a hike or something like that instead.

I think I am just needing to accept being alone.It is so much easier and there are so many frogs out there. I haven’t found anyone worth my time in almost a year and he ghosted me after four weeks of telling me how much he liked me. I am not sure it is worth the risk and pain anymore. I can take care of myself. Financially is a struggle but it is getting better.  I refuse to let loneliness take over my life so I will stay busy and active. If someone decent enters my life, I hope I can accept him in.

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The first Christmas after I started my job in parking enforcement, my eldest daughter decided to start buying me socks for my stocking. The first year she bought me some Star Trek socks. 13bd_star_trek_tng_mens_socks

 

I wear a uniform at work and I usually wear shorts. When I would wear these, I would get occasional comments from people about them. On Fridays, I can wear a sports shirt so I always wear a Bronco shirt and Bronco socks. I always get comments on those, too. 20171201_143158.jpg

When I told my daughter, I guess she decided to make socks a tradition. She has continued to buy me socks. This year she bought me several fun ones, Justice League, Alien, and Wolverine. I have so much fun with these. Every day, I wear fun socks and I get comments from people of all ages. Kids, old women, old men, adults, young adults. I even had one lady a week or so ago thank me for wearing them. She said that I make people smile with my socks.  There are days that I get “I love your socks.” from dozens of people. I get told I am cool. I get told I am awesome. I get smiles and thumbs up. Yesterday, one of the delivery drivers in town told me that he is going to start calling me Socks so I guess I have a new nickname.

I am going to continue this tradition of fun socks. I told my kiddo yesterday that I need some Marvel socks. I also need to get some ankle socks for the summer that are fun but still visible. My Walking Dead ones that she got me are no show so they aren’t as fun.

Here in my small town, we have had an event every winter for forty years now.  Snowdown  is a zany crazy week and every year has a new theme. People dress in costumes and do silly things and lots of drinking. I started taking the time off work after my divorce and really enjoying the time.

There are some events that go on all week. One event that my family has done since my kids were little is Find the Silver Bullet. Someone hides a  6 inch bullet somewhere in town and clues are given on the radio five times a day. The prize package starts at $250 but as the week goes on more and more prizes are added. There have been years that it has been a couple of thousand dollars in prizes. Needless to say, I live my life this week scheduling around listening to clues. We have almost found it a few times. Three years ago, we probably stepped on it and my eldest was standing next to the lady that found it. My eldest won’t get here until tonight this year so I have been texting her and my son clues and I have been the one doing the physical part. I don’t think we are going to find it this year. We will see.

This year the theme is Black Tie Affair so people are dressed to the nine’s this year. Lots of wonderful suits. I love a sharp dressed man. I had to be different so this was me last night. I had so many comments and fun flirts. I spent most of the evening with BFF. I think he enjoyed all the attention I was getting.

A Black Tie Affair

We started out just having a drink and then went to watch Butt Darts. People take a quarter in their butt, walk backwards and drop it on a target or something. I didn’t watch much. We were busy talking to people and then BFF played wingman and got me a phone number of an acquaintance of his that we ran into.  We walked down the street and he went up to the Euchre tournament and I went to the Magical Musical Mystery Tour. Eventually, he came down there and we went to the Gong Show and then the 80s dance. I think the funniest part of the night was when we were watching the Gong show and some woman came up and grabbed my ass. By the time we left that bar, she had grabbed my ass and boobs a few times. Just another night at Snowdown.

I am excited that tonight, my eldest gets here for the rest of the week so we can play. Today, I will be on my own for most of the day. I am about to go put on my little black dress and tomorrow I will be back in my tails.

Keep Moving: And Other Truths About Living Well LongerKeep Moving: And Other Truths About Living Well Longer by Dick Van Dyke

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

For once, I am really glad I listened to a book instead of read it. This felt like sitting down with Dick Van Dyke and having him share stories and insights with me. All my life I have enjoyed talking to older people and hearing their stories and having one of my favorites do it was awesome. ‘He talked about so many things in this book. He talks about his family and friends. He talks about politics and religion. He talks about aging and mostly, he spoke about love. He made me laugh and he made me cry. I loved how he spoke about his wives, all three of them. He has been a lucky man to have found the “love of his life” more than once. I loved the part when he was talking about his dog and his current wife. I could see his wife slowly falling for the dog and becoming his greatest defender. I loved hearing him talk about his brother Jerry. I could have listened for many more chapters.

I highly recommend this book to anyone. There were great things about every chapter.

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I have been reminded of why I fell in love with ex-bf. I have told him that I am not just jumping into a relationship with him again. I told him that I am scared to.

Last week, we went out for Halloween. I absolutely love Halloween and he doesn’t. He still dressed up. We were Danny and Sandy from Grease. We went out for dinner and then for drinks. We discussed when to go in for the night and he took my hands and told me that he knows how important it was for me so we could stay out as long as I wanted. I was staying with him that night. It was the first time in over a year that I was staying with him. I was looking forward to snuggling and his company. We have always been so good together.  When we got back to his place, he drew me a bath and lit candles. While the water was running he massaged my feet. He had James Taylor playing. When I got in the bath, he massaged my shoulders, back, and neck and then he read me love poems.

Damn him. I thought that I was over him. I realized that night that I am not. I felt like I had gone home. I am not jumping into a relationship or commitment with him. I told him last night that I trust him with everything except  my heart. He wants to know how to fix that. I told him time. It took us over a year to break up. We have been apart for 15 months and it is just like nothing changed. I am so comfortable with him. This is going to be interesting. I am ready for the ride and to where it goes. I wonder if he can really truly love me this time. I know he loves me but can he get to where he needs to be to stay with me?

2014, My second Comic Con. When I went to the first one, I really didn’t want to go but took my kids. This one, I was actually pretty excited. I was excited about celebrities that were coming. I was looking forward to dressing up. I have always loved Halloween. As I got older, I found that I loved theater and then in this town I live in, we have another annual event where people dress in costumes. I had two costumes planned for this Comic Con. One was a Steampunk Costume and the other was Catwoman.

I used to look forward to watching the original Batman when I was a kid after school. I honestly don’t know if I ever watched it at home. I remember watching at a friends house regularly. I didn’t read comic books. My mother wouldn’t have thought they were appropriate. I ended up loving Batman and Robin and, of course, Cat Woman. She was such a fun character. At this Comic Con, it was an anniversary of the show and they had all three of the actors there-  Adam West, Burt Ward, and Julie Newmar. I thought that was pretty cool and decided to go to the panel and see what they had to say. I had very little money to spend at Con and it costs extra money to meet the actors usually and always if you want photos or autographs. At Denver Con, the money is actually a fundraiser for an education project but I am a poor single mom.I had no intention of meeting any of these three. That all changed during the panel. All three of them came out on the stage and Julie just exuded sex. I don’t know that I have ever been  in the physical presence of someone that SEXY and it was her 80th birthday and I am not attracted to women. After that panel, I HAD to meet that woman.

I was dressed as cat-woman, I was less than a year after my divorce and still not really mentally healthy. I waited in line having no idea what I would say to her but she made it so easy. She looked at me and said “Now, what do you do for a living?” I told her that I worked at a doctors office and she replied “With that body?” She had me walk for her and then had me come behind her table to get my picture taken with her. She was so good for my ego on that day. Here was this gorgeous woman that just exuded sex telling me that I looked awesome. After years of feeling ugly and like nothing, I had no idea how much I needed that. The picture does not show her personality. She was so amazing in person. I am so glad that I went up to meet her. IMG_7300-2085(rev 0).jpg

That surprise ending the other night might become a surprise beginning. I am so glad that I broke out of my comfort zone. Just a week ago, I was saying that I didn’t have time to date. There were no good men left at least ones that were compatible for me and then BAM!! Just like in Bambi, I am walking around minding my own business, I walk into a handsome face and am twitterpated. Okay, not that blatant or strong of feelings yet but for the first time in a LONG time, I feel that I may have actually found someone that is worth considering giving some time to. I am talking about the cute guy at the bar the other day.

We met for ice cream yesterday at 3ish, per his text. I am a very punctual person so i took that at three, I got to town early, ran an errand, sat in my car for a few minutes as I didn’t want to get there too early but I am a ten minute early or you are late girl. I get out of my car at about ten till and he is crossing the street to get there. He is PUNCTUAL. We had our ice cream and I told him that I had a movie date with a friend to see IT last night so was going to be in town alone until about 8:30 but no plans until then. We talked, we walked, we decided to have dinner and walk and talk some more.  We laughed, we had not awkward moments of silence. We joked. We learned that we have so much in common. He was a perfect gentleman and never even touched me. I was actually a little disappointed a couple of times that he didn’t hold my hand. He had plenty of opportunities. We ended up sitting on a bench for the last thirty minutes together listening to some music at the distillery across the street. He kept asking how much time until I had to meet my friend. I let him know that I didn’t expect him to occupy my time until then and that I always have a book if I have to wait for someone. He wanted to stay with me. The time came to leave, five hours after we met, and he walked me to my car. He gave me a great hug. He just held me so tight. It was really nice. He whispered asking if I would like to see him again. I told him yes and asked him if he wanted to see me again. When we were hugging, I realized that he is pretty tall and pulled back to ask him how tall (6’1″) and he kissed me. WOW. That was amazing. He pulled away and said, on that note, goodnight.

I have hardly been able to keep him off my mind. He is new to the area. Actually had housing with the summer job that brought him here and is looking for a place to live right now. He just started working for the city a few weeks ago and wants to stay here. I sure hope he does. I think this guy has potential. We talked about so many things and some were pretty important. He is a year older than I am but I thought he was probably about 5 years younger. He also thought I was younger. He is physically fit, funny, kind. We have the same basic values. We have not set up a second date yet but I sure look forward to it. I have a crush on him.

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