acceptance


Last weekend, I went on a short ice cream date when I went to visit my son. My son was at an event so I figured I would do something. The guy talked about how much he hated various things and ended up making a very racist remark to me and then told me how he is not racist. I left that “date” once again wondering why I even bother anymore. I love my life. Most of the time I am not lonely. Do I really want to bring someone into my life that is going to take my time away from the things that are important to me? From what I have seen since I started dating it most men want to change us into who they want us to be. I am not “good enough” for them for whatever reason OR they are not right for me. I keep meeting men that are religious (even though I am very clear that I won’t date a religious man), crude,  or needy. Is it so much to ask to find a man that is non-religious. We are now a large part of the community. Is it so much to ask to find a man that can speak in proper English (most of the time), reads books, listens to music, is athletic and takes care of himself and cares for humanity? He doesn’t have to match me 100% but there are some things that are very important to me. I want him to have teeth. I want him to be well kept. I don’t want to be with a fat man that does not take care of himself. I walk almost ten miles a day for work. I also do karate 2 times a week. I hike on weekends. I kayak, I love football. I do drink but can have fun without it. I ski. I don’t want a partner that wants to sit on his ass and watch TV all the time, though I do love to watch television and movies. I read a lot. I would love to have someone to share books and discuss books with. I am very liberal so a Trump supporter does not fit in my life but many of them ask me out because I am cute. I am fifty years old but don’t look it. I am about 120 pounds trying to gain muscle mass but I want more than a physical relationship. I want to be physically attracted to my partner. It would be great to find someone to go to Comic Con with, as well as brew fests, film festivals, and wine festivals. I have gotten so I am comfortable going by myself. Is that a good or bad thing. I am finding that the longer that I am single and alone, the less tolerant I am of partner issues. Last weekend, my mom and daughter also came to visit my son. We had four of us trying to decide where to eat. I am so used to making decisions without anyone’s input anymore. I was really having a hard time with the indecision. Finally I just said that I didn’t care where I went. I would have a beer at one place and a margarita at the other. That was when my mom finally put in an opinion. For breakfast the next day, I just made a decision. Will I ever be able to let someone completely into my life again? One of my concerns with men I meet are ones that have never been in a long relationship because I am afraid that they will not be able to handle the changes of one. Am I becoming that person? Am I doomed to be my mother and single the rest of my life? I love who I am and how I am growing in independence daily but it scares me, also. There are days or moments that I am lonely sometimes lonely as hell. Days that I just want someone to love me. Today is one of them. Here is it Mother’s Day and I am all alone. I have three great kids but they are grown. I am no longer the focus of their lives, as it should be. The oldest had the morning with her boyfriend and is at home 300 miles away right now. The middle one that lives with me had to work today. The youngest hasn’t come home for the summer from college yet.  I have spent the day doing chores in my house but not as much as I should have. Most of the day has been spent paying bills and watching Shanarrah Chronicles. I started drinking margarita’s a drink ago. It would have been nice to not be alone today. Tomorrow is a quiet day but then Tuesday through Thursday, I go non-stop. I get up, go to work, and eat all day. After work, I either have my karate class or my atheist meeting. By Friday, I am usually exhausted so if I have no plans that night, I am actually usually relieved but going out for an hour or two after work is not a terrible thing. Saturday is my errand day if I stay in town. I also take an hour or two to sit at Starbucks with a coffee, a book, and my pup (outside patio). I really enjoy my Saturdays. Sometimes, I go on a hike or something like that instead.

I think I am just needing to accept being alone.It is so much easier and there are so many frogs out there. I haven’t found anyone worth my time in almost a year and he ghosted me after four weeks of telling me how much he liked me. I am not sure it is worth the risk and pain anymore. I can take care of myself. Financially is a struggle but it is getting better.  I refuse to let loneliness take over my life so I will stay busy and active. If someone decent enters my life, I hope I can accept him in.

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This is a real good Ted Talk on masculinity and being a man in today’s world. He talks about being sensitive as a man and how men are taught to reject the feminine side of themselves. He talks about how men won’t ask for help or talk about real things with their friends. This message is to men and women. Please watch.

My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with Chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed

Occasionally, I will give out advice that really should not need to be given to my friends on Facebook. They all relate to my job in the parking world. I have decided to start sharing those here.

I am going to start with license plates. Most states in the US require s registration sticker on the vehicle AND for the plate to be readable. That applies even when you are NOT in your state. Unless you are from New Jersey or Pennsylvania, no matter where you are, you need to have visible proof of your registration on your vehicle. I don’t know if there are any other states that don’t require it at this time. That means if you are driving on our roads in Colorado, you can and may be pulled over by the police. They can run your plates to find out if you are registered and generally will just give a warning if you are registered. If you are PARKED, we can and I WILL give you a ticket in my town. Parking enforcement officers cannot run your plates to see if you’re registered and the law is that it has to be displayed. That means that even if you have it, you are breaking the law if it is not displayed. I will write a ticket if your year or month sticker are missing. You can prove your registration and maybe the ticket will be voided but I view these more as a warning to fix it before you get pulled over. If the police write you the ticket for registration, it is a much higher fine AND a moving citation so POINTS on your license.

The things I cannot write a ticket for but you can get pulled over for are things like a dirty plate that is unreadable or a worn out plate. I will politely tell you if I see you to replace your plate if needed. I will wash off a plate to read the registration. A police officer can give you a ticket for either. I have personally been pulled over for a temporary plate that was unreadable in the back window of a car.

My recommend that you look at your plates regularly. Every time you wash the windows, wash your plates and your lights. If you think about it, they are as dirty, if not worse, than your windows. You will also be keeping an eye on the plates wear and tear and if your stickers are valid. Many times, people that are expired say they never received the notice from the state but things get lost in the mail sometimes, it is put in the wrong box, you misplace it, etc. There are many reasons why we may not remember to register our cars but it is OUR responsibility. Take responsibility for yourself and your car and do what you can to avoid this ticket. Remember, we are just enforcing rules and all of the tickets I write are avoidable.

I know that I have mentioned before that I am too busy to date and now it is becoming an issue. The photographer and I have gone out a few more times. We spent one lovely day together. Took his Porsche to a neighboring town, had lunch, soaked in the hot springs, then had a nice dinner. During lunch, he told me that he is developing feelings for me and would like to see if things develop. We haven’t been out since because of our schedules. I am still not sure if I want to date him. I really enjoy his company but am not physically attracted to him. We also have a problem that he is a spontaneous person. I live 40 minutes from town. I need to know what my plans are before I leave my house in the morning. It affects how I dress, do my hair, if I put on make up, if I need to plan dinner. I also have pets that need to be taken care of so I need to make sure the roommate (my adult child) will be able to take care of them. If I am coming straight home after work, I tend to just throw on a pair of jeans and t-shirt. I change into a uniform when I get to work and then come home in the same jeans and t shirt. There are times that I leave my house thinking that I might go out and will prepare accordingly BUT for the most part, I am a planner. I know what I am doing every night this week after work and will have my weekend planned by Thursday night. The photographer will contact me at four during a weeknight and want to go out that night. By then, if I don’t have plans to go out, I have plans to go home and chill. My mindset is on relaxing. I walk over ten miles a day at work. I cannot go out every night. I need to sleep a lot to give my muscles time to recover. I can be spontaneous if I know I am spending the time with the person and we can play things by ear. That is what we did on that date three weeks ago. I just need to do some planning. In the mean time, I have had a few real quiet weekends and have gotten so I really am enjoying my own company more than ever. I did have a nice night with R this weekend but for the most part, I have not been dating and am very comfortable with that.

 

WOW what a great inspirational film about second chances.

I watched this yesterday morning at the Durango Independent Film Festival. This judge has done amazing things to help change people’s lives. He starts out talking about how difficult it is on a person to sentence people to life in prison over and over again. He started this running group of addicts and ex-cons and homeless people. They run marathons around the world as the people rebuild their lives and self esteem.

I love how the judge says that one bad moment does not define who a person is. It made me think of my friend, the ex-con. He will always be a what if for me. If his parole hadn’t taken him across state lines, what would have happened with us? We still talk regularly and I know he is not the man that did the awful thing he did. He and I have been friends now for 2 years. He has thanked me a couple of times for giving him a chance and is glad I was his first friend post-prison.

I also have friends and family that are addicts. I love when people can have second chances and succeed. I admire this judge for doing what he does and wish all his runners the best of luck.

#skidrowmarathon #second chances

Last night I went out with my friend, the photographer.  We met on a dating site three or four years ago and went on a couple of dates but it never went anywhere. I never felt a physical connection with him but enjoyed  his company. Over the years, every time we run into each other, he gives me these great hugs and we have become decent friends. About a month ago, we went out for dinner and I realized how much I enjoy his company. I wish I felt some physical connection because he is just wonderful. We have so much in common. We went out last night again. We were at the restaurant for hours and had such a nice time. We talked quite a bit about dating.  He has been divorced for a long time and has no kids. He was involved with a woman not that long ago. They talked about marriage but she broke it off with him a year ago. The talk about dating turned interesting when we realized that we both feel the same way about dating. I had actually posted on Facebook.

“I think that might be part of the problem. I really am enjoying the freedom of being single. I would like someone but don’t want to give up my freedom. Finding a man who feels the same is difficult. I have met a couple that want to be attached at the hip immediately and I do not want that at all. I have an active full life now. Do I really have time for a man??? I am not sure but there are times I really want one. Is there a rent a boyfriend plan out there for the nights I want to snuggle and Netflix with someone besides my pup?” 

when she said that when I quit looking I will find someone.

He and I started joking about the pros and cons of being with someone. We both love the idea of having someone to snuggle with and be the companion but we also love that no one is expecting us to watch things we do not want to watch, complain about our sleeping habits, complain about me reading in bed, etc. We were laughing so hard about  all the different things we do NOT miss about being in a relationship.

After dinner, we came back to my house and snuggled on the couch and watched a movie. We had a nice night. He asked if he should stay and snuggle but I chose not to. I really do like him. I wonder if a physical attraction can develop. If not, I have a great friend that I can honestly share things with and laugh.

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