I don’t do the What if as much as I used to. I can’t help but wonder what if I had said no when he proposed though. If I could change one thing. It completely changed the direction I wanted to go. I try now to live in the present so I can enjoy what life I have left. I have 30-40 years left in my one and only life. I want to enjoy it.

Crazybutttricia

Such a common thought, for most of us at some point in time…”what if?”

I’ve had too many to count of these unsettling commentaries running through my mind over the past year or two. If I’m honest, I’ve had that commentary running through my mind for years, always looking for the hidden answer, the deeper meaning or secret message.

Like a game show, I always wonder ‘what was behind door number three?’ What did I miss?

The internal conversations of “what if” range from small scenarios, maybe tiny bits of conversations that went wrong, or smaller actions that became something bigger and harder to live with than I had ever imagined or expected.

What if I had done it differently? What if I had said yes instead of no this time?

When the idea of getting divorced was first brought up, said out loud in an almost business like way…

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