without the dating sites. I tried the traditional way of meeting men and managed to go on ONE date and it wasn’t good. I am starting to wonder if I am doomed to be alone. I have met so many wonderful men in the past four years but no one that our feelings are mutual. I have been spending so much time with R lately and know that I have to start looking elsewhere. He cannot love me (or admit he does). I hate for either of us to move on because I will miss him terribly if we quit seeing each other BUT I have got to try. Of course, we were matched again on line. We are so good together but as much as I want to be okay with things the way they are indefinitely, I cannot. I eventually want to be loved again and to love again. I eventually want to be in a relationship again. I want to grow old with someone. I want to be with someone daily. I want to wake up with someone. I want to eat with someone. I want to go to bed with someone. Is that too much to ask? I am starting to think so, at least with the dating pool that I have here. This is one of the major drawbacks or being in a small town. My dating profile says no long distance men and that is realistic because I do not want to move and do not want anyone to move for me.

I have been on POF and OKCupid again for one week and it is mostly the same men that were there three years ago when I went on the first time. There are occasional new men but not many. I am looking for a non-theist and non-conservative. Maybe I am too picky. I keep having men that live far away or religious men contact me. They do not even read the damn profiles but how the hell am I supposed to meet men otherwise. I keep trying but everyone I meet is either way young or married. There are two police officers that I get along with well but both are married. There is a fun photographer in town but he is very religious. R won’t love me. The Banker….. well, who knows with him. There are several men in town that flirt with me constantly but there are issues with all of them. One I met online a few  years ago. He is a lot of fun but is an alcoholic that has a reputation with women that is not great. I like him as a friend but am not attracted to him and even if I was, I would be concerned about his past. It is a bit violent and he is still drinking.

I have had a few of the men I have met in the past send me messages on the dating site telling me that they hope I am doing well and what I good person or woman that I am. I deleted all but one. The rafter that I mentioned in my last post. I actually asked him out again but he hasn’t responded. I sure wish we could hang out occasionally. He is so damn much fun.

I am  not going to pay for either of the sites right now but will be on them and hope that maybe I can meet someone again. I think maybe our town is way too small for me to  meet anyone the traditional way. No one new at my Meetups. No one old enough at game nights. I am going to try geek trivia night and see but my guess is they will all be young, too.

Advertisements