There has always been such a double standard for men and women in so many areas but the one I am talking about here is good old sex.

For the most part, men are not judged for having multiple partners as long as they are not married. Sometimes, that isn’t even looked down on by their friends and other men. I do think that society accepts a man cheating on his spouse more than a woman cheating on hers. For a woman to “sleep around” with multiple men, she is called whore, slut, easy, etc. I jokingly call a couple of male friends man whore but it is not an issue for them. If they were to call me a whore, it would be an insult.

Why can’t a woman just enjoy sex like a man does? I know that I did not enjoy it when I was married. There were many factors into that. Honestly, before marriage, I used sex to try and find love. I did have lots of sex partners but really didn’t feel good about it. I had terrible self esteem and just wanted a man to love me.

My ex fell in love with me quickly without the sex being a major factor. I honestly was never super physically attracted to him.  I know that is awful.  I thought he was wonderful when we met. I felt safe with him. He made me feel secure and loved.  When we married he was fit but as soon as we got married, he gained a lot of weight. I just never was attracted to heavy men. He also was perspired a lot and our sex life was very boring. I didn’t enjoy it. I had my Catholic issues with sex being a bad thing and dirty. I did it because I had to. Eventually, it became almost non-existent in my marriage. Since my divorce, my attitude has changed thanks to ex-bf. I learned to really enjoy sex. I got over my hangups. Why shouldn’t I be able to just have sex to take care of my physical needs without being judged? I much prefer the physical touch than taking care of myself. I enjoy sex now and am not getting any younger. I want to enjoy it while I can so I am when I want to.

I do understand that sex is a beautiful thing between two people that love each other but is it so bad for a woman to have more than one lover? I have decided that it is not. If serious feeling develop with one, I will quit seeing the others. If one was available more often, I wouldn’t need or want more than one but the guys are not available often and so I enjoy what I can when I can. I will admit that I wish R and I could have something. Ex-con moved away two weeks ago so I am down to R and the married one for now. The relationship with all three is very unique and sweet. There are no lies taking place. There are no commitments being broken. No one expects anything from anyone except when we are together. I have no regrets and am enjoying myself at this moment. Maybe someday, I will meet THE man worth settling down with again but I have such a wide range of needs and desires. I deserve to enjoy my life and this makes it so much easier to not jump into a relationship with someone.