This day has always been such a difficult day. Before I was married, it seemed I was always alone during this holiday. When you are single, this is a day to remind you how alone you really are. When you are in a relationship, it can be good or bad, depending on the relationship and your partner’s attitude towards the holiday. My ex-husband was not a romantic man at all. He would give me a card from time to time. I think he gave me flowers a couple of times in our marriage. He told me he didn’t give flowers since his mother didn’t like getting flowers. I love getting flowers and let him know that very early in our relationship. I got to where I hated Valentine’s Day. I even got to where I dreaded our anniversary and my birthday (which I love normally) because I always felt neglected. He was a man that never seemed to appreciate anything that I gave him. It was difficult to give him gifts so I got to the point that I dreaded trying to give him anything. One of our last Valentine’s Days together, he came home, threw a single rose on the table as he walked by and told me “Here is your VD flower.” Such a romantic gesture. I just sank inside. Four years ago, I spent the day in divorce court. I couldn’t believe they did that on Valentine’s Day. I was a mess. That has definitely made the holiday more difficult.

Since the divorce, I have been trying so hard to get over the emotional damage from my marriage. My first Valentine’s Day after the divorce, I went skiing with a guy I had gone out with a few times. He made reservations at the restaurant at the top of the mountain to surprise me. He knew my history and he was so romantic that day and definitely made it easier. The next year, I was with the ex-boyfriend getting ready to go on a cruise. Last year, I was dating R. I don’t think we did anything special but this holiday has been better the past few years. Here it is again, around the corner and I am single as can be. I have been feeling a bit down about men and love and seeing all the ads for the local specials. I actually signed up for speed dating that night.

This afternoon, I received a message from A asking for a date for dinner on Monday. I said yes and that would be nice. He told me that since he had to work on Tuesday, it would be our Valentine’s Day date. I was very surprised. He does not know my history so it makes it extra special. I am confused though by his actions. One week, I feel he isn’t interested and the next, he does this. I think he is a very sweet man. I wonder how he actually feels about me. At least, I will have a nice dinner with a good looking man for Valentine’s Day and the speed dating the actual night should be interesting.