Last month, I blogged about a realization about my ex-bf (A self realization) and I mentioned how I was hoping that this would help me get over him an it has. Once I realized that the biggest connection now was the family thing, it helped. It also helped that I really like his new girlfriend. She and I have texted a few great conversations. She fits him better than I do. Also, in recent conversations I have had with him, I have heard how happy he is. I think this man that has struggled with happiness all of his life may have finally found it. As  I am getting to know her, I see why he has fallen in love with her and I definitely know why she has fallen for him. In our conversation today, she told me that she can see why he cares for me so much. She is not threatened by me at all. I am truly happy for him and realized the other day that I am over him romantically.

When I was super down the other day, the first person I contacted was him. I sent him a text telling him what A had done. I vented to him all morning about being the perpetual nice gal and also how that event triggered my emotions from my divorce.  He knows all about R and the married one.  As I was texting him I realized that I wouldn’t be doing that if I was still romantically interested. I realized that I am over him. I will always love him and the relationship he has had with my kids but I no longer want to be with him as a partner. I saw him the other day at work and had no desire to kiss him. Yes, I hugged him but I am a hugger. I hug people I care about. I appreciate how he helped me grow. I appreciate how he taught me how to love again and how to accept love. I definitely appreciate the fact that he taught me to enjoy sex for the first time in my life.  I want to be his friend. I want to be with him or help him through the death of his dog that is coming relatively soon but I also know the new gal will be there for him. I am happy for both of them and I am over him. Realizing this will help me truly move on. I have been in love with him for over two years. He has been such a positive person in my life and there is absolutely no anger towards him. He only hurt me one time since I have known him and we discussed and got past that almost two years ago. I hope that they can continue their happiness and journey. I hope that he can finally be truly happy. I am so glad that I can truly move on.

I have got to wonder if what has been missing with R and others has been that I was still (unconsciously) holding onto ex-Bf. Maybe I can finally move on. I am still not actively looking again. I am still a bit turned off of relationships and men right now bu this has been a break thru for me. He taught me to love and how to love BUT I am finally ready to let go and let us both move on. It is a great feeling and very liberating.

Advertisements