I hate today and days like today. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I haven’t seen the sun in three days. Maybe it is just a down day. I don’t know. What I do know is that I woke up at 4 am from a dream that ex-bf was in. We were not together. He was with his current gf but we were hanging out and having a great time, like we always do. Considering that I hardly see him anymore, this made me miss him and our friendship. I also had awoken with a massive migraine and just wanted to sleep. I think I did sleep a little longer but by 630ish was out of bed suffering with this damn headache and feeling lonely.

I had wanted to go skiing today but had decided that instead I would get some things done around the house and ski next weekend when the tourist influx will be a little smaller and maybe ski both days. My house is an absolute disaster right now and I really wanted to get some things done but with my mood and how I felt this morning, I have barely gotten anything done. The one thing that was real important to me turned out to be a mess. My ex-husband was a wood worker and the bed frame I have been using he built. I have wanted to get rid of it for ages. I have had fantasies about burning it. Well R gave me a new bed frame with headboard and foot-board. Since I have a Tempurpedic mattress and the bed I currently have is solid wood, I wanted to exchange this when my son was home to help. The shit is HEAVY. So, we take apart the bed I have been using. Move it out and cannot get the new frame together. It appears something is missing. Tried calling R but he couldn’t figure it out either. After a while, the kids and I decided to give up and move the old bed back in so I wouldn’t be on the floor and I just started sobbing. Poor kids. I didn’t realize how much I did not want that bed until it wasn’t there any more. My poor middle kiddo goes to her room and tears apart her bed so I can use it and she will sleep on the floor on her mattress until we figure out the other one. My son just comes over and holds me.

I hate when I get that way. I am glad I don’t very often anymore but occasionally everything just seems to come to a head all at once. R has said he will come over and help me with the bed later and double check to see if there were more pieces that he missed previously. Hopefully, I am in a better mood tomorrow but unfortunately, sunny Colorado, at least my part, is not supposed to see the sun much if at all this week. I do know that affects me terribly. I need my sun every few days. At least when I am back at work tomorrow, I will be exercising and that helps, too. I guess for tonight, I will try and get some things done around here and put on some music. Maybe that will perk me up a bit. Depression is such a terrible thing to deal with and I have fought with it since I was young. My meds do help but there are still down times occasionally.

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