The holidays are such a difficult time for so  many people for various reasons. One of the hardest things during the holidays is being single and alone. We are constantly reminded of coupledom: Jewelry commercials, movies, songs, etc.  Except for my first Christmas after my divorce, this was my first one being single since 1988. I still had my annual party. I was the only one, besides the kids, that was single.  I made it through it even with my ex-bf bringing his new girlfriend. Fortunately, and unfortunately, I really like her. It makes it easier to be happy for him but also less easy for me to secretly hope they don’t work out and he decides that I am perfect for him after all. I really do not want him back but there are moments that I do, especially when I am lonely and that has definitively occurred this season. I was speaking to R today and he was talking about his loneliness this season. We decided that, even though we don’t belong together, that we will be there for each other during lonely times until one of us finds someone else.

I have actually done pretty well this season but do admit that I am not thrilled to see Valentine’s Day stuff already out. I am sure I will blog about that at some time. I haven’t had a boyfriend since R last March. I almost had one with P in October but that was disastrous. I am proud of myself this year though. I have only cried a couple of times and actually enjoyed myself a lot. I do wish I had someone to ring in the new year with but that is not going to happen and I am mostly good with that. I know that this probably will not last forever but then I look at my mother. She is almost 76 and has been single for over 20 years. As far as I know, she hasn’t had a date or sex since her divorce. I do not want to be that way.  I have decided this month that I am no longer actively looking. I am just going to live my life and see what happens but I do hope that this was my last lonely holiday season. I do not like being alone during this time.

 

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