As of this week, I am off the online dating market. I have been on and off them since shortly after my divorce. When I first signed up, I did think it was funny that I got matched with my ex-husband. I did figure it was a slap in his face to be matched with me. He got off the site pretty quickly. I got lots of attention and loved that I could wean out certain things prior to meeting a man. (religion, politics, education, etc. ) When you meet someone in real life, you have no idea their beliefs, values, or anything of the important things that really make a difference. I thought that was pretty awesome.

I have been out on so many first dates in the past three years. Some have been a bit awful and some have been wonderful. Many have become good friends while there are a few that I never want to speak to or see again. Some of the bad ones have been quite bad. There have been rude ones, ones that have become a bit stalkish (though not scary), and many that I just didn’t click with.  The good ones have been wonderful. ExBF and R  are men I met online. I have a couple that have become such dear friends that I know if I need anything, they will be there. I love these men, just not in that way. I suppose that could change in time with one of them but it is definitely over with the EXBF.

I have used Match, OKCupid, and POF. I have paid occasionally but never for a long time. I have decided to get off because I have realized that I need a break from all these men and the “looking for a relationship”. So many of them send a hello and ask to meet you without even looking at your profile. I am so much more than my photos. I am very clear on my profile that I am liberal and an atheist but have men tell me that this is not an issue. The couple that I have given a chance with despite these differences told me rather quickly that it was a problem. It is always a problem for me. I cannot do that again. I had one guy show up for a date with a cross on and he proceeded to tell me how much he was still in love with his ex-wife but they couldn’t be together. When I told him that I didn’t want to go out with him again, he didn’t even know what atheist meant. I need an educated man, too. I live in a very rural area and want to date someone within 45 minutes of where I live. I do not want to try and start a relationship with someone so far away. I don’t need a man and I a NOT moving anytime soon, if ever. I have so many men contact me that are over and hour away, sometimes HOURS that want to get to know me. Some have been interesting and would have  a chance if we lived near each other, but that is not what I want right now. Maybe it is because of where I am that I have been so unsuccessful, maybe it is because I am too picky, maybe it is just because, I really don’t care about having a man right now.

The last few months have been terrible on the men I have met. I had decided that I was going to get off as soon as my upgrade on POF was over. Sunday was that day. I have spoken to a couple of guys with potential dates so exchanged numbers with them prior to deleting my account. Yesterday, I realized that this decision was the right one. I had a lunch date with one guy yesterday. We had discussed it last weekend. I told him yes and that it would be nice. Well, after I told him yes, I never heard from him again. Yesterday lunch time came and went with no contact.  I thought about contacting him but I had told him yes and he never responded after I said yes. I kept waiting for him to contact me for details. He knew how to get a hold of me. I ended up having to buy my lunch and still haven’t heard from him. This was the third guy in several months to pull this crap. Two made dates with me and then never contacted me again, one cancelled at the last minute several time. I really thought he and I had a chance. We had talked on the phone a couple of times and just seemed to click.

I realized that I am okay with being alone right now. I refuse to settle and just want to enjoy my life. I may go back to the sites at some point but I have told myself  that I will stay off for six months. I need a break and not think about looking for a man for a while. If I meet someone IRL that I like, I may take a chance, but it is not a priority anymore. I am happy with my life and do not need the drama or the stress from men desperate to find a new wife or girlfriend or just a hookup. I am going to focus on having fun with my friends, getting back into scrapbooking, skiing in the winter and hiking when the weather turns warm again.

 

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