This is such a strong subject. I love so many people but have only been in love a few times. The last time was ExB. He was everything to me, as I have said before. I don’t know if I have ever before or ever again will have what we had. I truly cared more for him than myself in some ways. He has a dream to go live on a sailboat for a while. When we were dating, I would tell him that I loved him enough to let him go do that. I did not want to hold him back. After having that with him, I truly believe I felt true love for the first time in my life. I knew that if he left, I would miss him terribly but would also be so happy for him for fulfilling his dream. I have been encouraging this since I met him in August of 2014. I have also known that him leaving would break my heart.

Tonight, we decided to go out for drinks. Big night in our town- Noel Night- to kick off the holiday season. My grinchy ex  decides to go out with me when I ask if he would like to get together soon. We had a great night and once again, we shared everything. It is awfully difficult to hear the man I am in love with talking about falling in love with another woman but I am also happy for him. We had a great night and a few times he asked if he should stop sharing. I told him no. I told him that it was difficult but that I was also glad to see him so happy. It was so the truth. I cried a few times and he, or course, pulled out his hanky for me. We walked downtown arm in arm and he finally was able to admit that he loves me. It has taken a long time for him to differentiate love vs in love. I think he finally gets it and understands that I can love him and not want him back. I did flat out tell him that I would take him back if circumstances were different but they aren’t and we are not right together the way things are. He has told his new love that I am his best friend and that isn’t going to change.  He walked me to my car, a friendly kiss goodnight, I left. I cried all the way home cuz after over two years it is finally over and one of us has finally moved on. I am glad we can still be friends though. I can lose him as a lover but not a friend. We haven’t been lovers in almost five months.  That is the difference between in love and loving. I just want us both to be happy and currently, that is not as a couple. I wish him the best of luck with M. She better not break his heart or she will have me and my kids to reckon with. 😉

 

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