I have often wondered how anyone could be in an open relationship but have known people that have been. Since I have been single, I have had several men reach out to be on the dating sites claiming they were in an open relationship. As time has gone on though, I have wondered about them maybe not being a terrible thing under some circumstances.

Mainly with ExB. We are perfect together in so many ways. Why should the sex issue that he has keep us apart? If we could be together without that being an issue, I have realized that I would get back with him. I miss his companionship more than anything. I enjoyed our intimacy but it wasn’t perfect and that is mainly what kept breaking us up. If I could be with him most of the time, I wouldn’t care if he were to go be with other women to try and get what I cannot give him and I were able to go and be with someone else to get what I cannot get from him. I realized this when I was at his house for a week. I feel like he is still my partner in so many ways. We look out for each other. We share everything with each other. I still love him and believe he still loves me.

Funny thing is when I realized this, I shared with my one kiddo that is very open about these things. This was on election night. She and I were at a bar watching the election. I told her this and the squealed that she knew I was poly-amorous but that I hadn’t realized it before. I guess it is because I do love more than one man now. I love ExB and R both. I have very different relationships with both but I do love them both. I also have been dating a few men and she just knew. There were these two guys sitting next to us and one showed the other a photo of a mountain lion that had been in a tree near his house that day. All of us within ear shot wanted to see and we all ended up talking. Eventually, one of those guys left and we ended up talking to D the rest of the night. Oh my gosh, the three of us had so much in common and we ended up really enjoying each others company. When my kiddo went to the restroom, he shared with me that he is in an open marriage. WOW!!! Talk about timing. We exchanged numbers but I told him that I wasn’t sure I could do that but I did enjoy his company and so it would be nice to get to know him. Now, I had a dilemma. I was very attracted to a married man that I KNEW wouldn’t want anything from me- fun and sex. Not a bad thing as long as he isn’t lying to me. He gave me his phone and told me to call his wife. I have not done so but he and I have been talking daily. I will meet her eventually so I know he is not a cheater and liar. I am definitely interested in him. we have been texting daily and have fooled around a couple of times. we seem to be compatible in that area, too.

After MrP, I realized that maybe I am not ready for a new relationship yet. I am not over ExB. I don’t know if I ever will be. I have to move on. I learned to enjoy sex from him and do not want to go without. Is it wrong to be in an open relationship? I do not believe in a god so there is not a reason, besides health, to not be open sexually. I am not wanting to settle into a single man right now. I know if I do settle into a monogamous relationship again, I NEED companionship AND a compatible sexual partner, too. I did not have that in my marriage. I hated sex when I was married. Twenty three years of dreaded sex. For now, I am into playing around and enjoying my life, including my sex life. I am not lying to anyone or leading anyone on. If I find someone that I want to be exclusive with again, I will cross that bridge then, until then, I will play (safely)