As I lay here in my ex-boyfriends bed, I have been contemplating many things tonight. First of all, I am alone. He is on a long trip and I am house and pet sitting for part of it. This is the first time I have been in his place alone for any length of time. It has brought up old feelings and emotions. He is the one that, post-divorce, taught me to love again. He loved me and I learned to love. He taught me to enjoy sex which I never did when married. He taught me to truly communicate with your lover. He taught me so much. I really did, and still do in many ways, think that we were perfect together. We were compatible in most areas. Many of the same interests, beliefs, etc. He makes me laugh and I trust him with my life, my kids, anything. Unfortunately, we did not make it. I truly believe it is because of baggage that he cannot get rid of. I will not go into his personal stuff but I do know that he loved me and I loved him. I would have stayed with him forever had he wanted that. I would have been happy with him forever. BUT… that was not to be. It did take us almost 18  months to finally quit sleeping together and being inseparable. I have dated quite a bit since he broke up with me the first time but he has not. We have both recently met people that we both really like but we still talk almost daily. We share almost everything. I still love him but would not go back to him anymore. It is too painful for both of us.

The biggest thing I have been contemplating tonight is when do you know you are “in love”? The new man in my life, Mr Perfect, is still pretty much perfect. He is crazy about me and I, him. I love being with him. I love how he treats me. I love how I feel with him. I love how he looks at me. Today a coworker said something to me about me being in love. I have barely talked about Mr Perfect at work. We are professional on the clock. Am I in love? Am I falling in love? or the idea of being in love? He has almost told me he loves me many times in the past few days. He is afraid he will scare me off if he does. Why does someone else say I am in love? Another person and co-worker stated something similar to me the other day. I know I have a crush on him. I know I enjoy being with him. When does it become LOVE?

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