I said the next post would be about my confusion. Mr Perfect has me so perplexed and confused. I said our first date was perfect. He held open every door. Offered to go get the car after we ate so I wouldn’t have to walk in the cold. I politely declined. The next day, there were flowers on my desk. He obviously listens and remembers things. He has left some of my favorite candies on my desk a couple of times. I went out of town and he was attentive but also trying to give me my space. I told him I am dating other men and he said fine but that he probably wouldn’t. He went to the doc to make sure he is safe sexually for us to be together. A week after our first date, he told me he would like me to be his girlfriend but when I said I wasn’t ready, he said, no problem. He wants to talk about everything. I haven’t clicked with anyone like this since my ex boyfriend that it took so long to break up with.  We seem almost perfect together. It terrifies me and excites me for the same reasons. I could so easily fall in love with this man. He wanted to give me my space at work and not tell anyone we had gone out on a date unless I was okay with it. I came home from my trip sick and he came over to spend time with me even though he knew I would be ill and no fun. He ended up giving me a massage and spent the night with me just holding me while I coughed and snorted all night. Friday night, we had tickets to a Rocky Horror play and he kept offering for me to cancel since I was sick. I was NOT going to cancel unless I couldn’t make it. Thursday, he drove to my house to bring me EmergenC as I was out and didn’t feel like going to the store. Friday, we went out and had a good time but made it a short night. I decided to stay at home all weekend, cancelling all my other plans, to try and get well. He came over yesterday offering to CLEAN my house and then today to watch the game with me. I asked him to not clean but he kept me company so I didn’t clean.  I love this attention. I love the caring. I love the way he looks at me. I love how he has seen me sick and still thinks I am beautiful. Am I falling in love with HIM or am I falling in love with how he treats me? How do you know?

I have told him that I will let him know when and if I am ready to make a commitment to him and he is patiently waiting. He is not demanding any time or anything from me.  I don’t want to jump in too quickly and I don’t want to run away afraid. Those are the two  things I tend to do. I am trying so hard to take this slowly but cannot wait to see him as soon as we are apart. My dogs and cats love him, even my one dog that doesn’t take to many people. She instantly bonded with him. My kiddo/roommate likes him. He is accepting of all. He is possibly the man of my future. Am I ready for the man of my future? I was just starting to really enjoy being alone and single most of the time. They say when you quit looking.  I know he would give me my space, though. Love is so perplexing. Dating is so damn confusing. How do I know if I am ready to quit seeing other men and have an exclusive relationship? My ex-boyfriend asked me if I regret what we had even though I was hurt and I definitely don’t. He asked me why I am hesitant then.  He told me to go for it. Part of me really wants to. Part of me wants to run away screaming. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why can’t it be obvious? Is it worth the risk? I do know that if it continues this way, I will be in a committed relationship with this man eventually. I can see us together in the future.

One day at a time, one moment at a time. That is how we are trying to take it so I don’t run away and screw this up. I did tell him that I sometimes I do push a man away or run away when I get scared of how things are going. We have agreed that we will talk if it happens. He will try or I will try to start the conversation. I hope I can stick to that and break my old patterns. This one may be a keeper. In the mean time, I am done fishing for now. I haven’t broken it off with banker or ex-con yet but I see that coming. I know the latter will be sad. I think he really likes me but there is no way we have a future and we both know it.

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