Dating, that is? Sometimes I wonder. Tonight, the ex-con and I decided that we need to be just friends. This was after some major flirting and sexual innuendo. He is not ready, which I totally understand AND he doesn’t want just a physical relationship, which I respect. I do admit, I am a bit disappointed. He has such a nice body. So muscular and firm. I was definitely sexually attracted to him. I am not hurt or angry at all though. I knew it would probably go this way, I just figured it would go further first. He really is a nice guy. I wish him the best and hope that we can be friends. He is here for several more months and has no friends here. He did admit that I have been good for him. He needed to know that women might still be interested in him. Well, DUH!! He is hot, intelligent, articulate… Definitely my type.

I was talking to a neighbor today and he was asking me about R and why I was still looking. I didn’t know what to say. R has told me that something is missing. He is still so emotionally connected to his ex. He has a young child. I love that kiddo BUT do I really want that again. I am not sure that R and I could ever be in love. We keep ending up hanging out. I love him but I am not IN Love with him. He is a workaholic. I don’t know if I could do that.

Other men that I have dated or liked since the divorce have had good and bad things about them. It would be so nice to be able to make a man out of the best features of these men. Some have been extremely gentle and kind. Others very sexual but also very much wanting to please the woman. Others have been very generous. Some have been very attentive.  Is there a man out there that I can be happy with, even for a year or two? I am starting to doubt it. I am starting to wonder if dating is just a pain in the ass and a way to get hurt or hurt others- unintentially, of course. Tonight, I am lonely and wanting to be held so that is why I continue too look. I want someone to be able to talk to about concerns in my life and stresses. I want some to share the exciting things with too. I don’t want to be alone forever so i guess it is worth it and all the tears in the mean time.