So, since my divorce, I have actually done quite a bit of dating. I did date a man  for a while that I fell in love with.  Things were great with us in many ways but we decided that we weren’t right together.  We have stayed good friends because we have so much fun together and have fooled around off and on for a while. I think I have finally realized that we shouldn’t do that anymore. I truly do not want to get back together but I am sure that he thinks that I do. I know we are not right together romantically but there is a part of me that is afraid that if we quit fooling around that our friendship will go away. I cannot imagine losing his friendship. We need to quit fooling around though because that has become a source of stress for us (him) that I cannot fix and he cannot either. I made this decision today. The last time I decided that we needed to quit seeing each other romantically was when I finally met another man that I thought I might have a chance with. He told me after a few weeks that something was missing. Well, we went out on a date tonight and I realized what is missing. I am not part of his family. He has two (step) kids from a previous relationship. His kids come first (as they should) but the family unit with the ex comes second. Every time we are together, he is texting his ex a lot. They are no longer interested in each other (She has come out of the closet) but they are still very intertwined in each others lives. When he is texting about the kids, I understand but it is not always that. They are still a family unit, even though they are not together. We haven’t been a “couple” in several months but I finally realized why we can’t and won’t be when I ended our date tonight. So two men that I have met that are wonderful in many ways but we do not belong together. They both care about me and show me this frequently with their actions.

I have gone out with a few other men but it seems that the ones I really feel a connection with are not interested in me and the ones that I am not feeling that excited about are really interested in me. Damn, it is just like high school and college all over again. In the mean time, I am going out on dates and trying to have fun without hurting anyone or getting hurt again and hoping that there is a spark someday with someone.

There are days that I think I should just give up but I actually enjoy dating and enjoy the company of men so I will just continue in this frustrating journey and see where it takes me.