For 19 years, I have been married to the same man. We only knew each other for a few weeks when we married but we had the same goals, dreams, and values.  For the first 10 years of our marriage, I only worked part time or not at all. Mostly not at all. I was in the reserves, sold Tupperware, and was a cashier for a short time.  After 7 years, I decided to go to work part time to make some extra money for fun stuff- at the time it was dance lessons for two of the kids.

Two years ago, I left that job. It was killing me physically and mentally. It was graveyard 2-3 nights a week. I was not getting enough sleep and I could feel my health declining every week. I started working full time for the first time since I had gotten married. It has beena huge struggle for me adjusting to not being the mom I once was. I am not there after school for the kids. I don’t see them off every day. We don’t eat as early as we used to but I am still cooking a good homecooked meal on most nights. I have adjusted and have learned to accept these terms. What I have started to realize is that I am getting tired again. I am still doing most of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, menu planning, etc. My husband acts perturbed if I ask him to do any of the following. In addition to him not wanting to help with all this, he rarely gets water for the house. Our daughter or I do it most of the time. The recycling gets taken into town by us, too. He has to go to the dump occasionally to take the trash. He has just given the job of mowing the lawn to our kids.  I mentioned this to him yesterday and he stated that it is the moms job to do all these things and I knew that was the way it was when I started working full time. That is baloney. I always thought we were partners in this marriage. I have NEVER heard him say anything like this previously. I was so shocked that I really didn’t react. I need to talk to him more about this now but don’t know what to say or how to say it.  I just cannot believe he said that or truly believes that. When did he start thinking I was inferior to him?  When did we become not partners. I guess I should have known when for months, we come home from work and he goes and sits down and relaxes while I go immediately to the kitchen to make dinner. After dinner, he disappears while the kids and I clean the kitchen.  Even the kids have commented on this to me. I am distraught on what to do now. I am feeling that he has changed his views so much that we cannot work things out. I hardly slept last night due to my confusion and anxiety over this little statement.  Maybe I am making too much of this but it truly broke my spirit.

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