A Woman on the Edge of Time: a son's search for his motherA Woman on the Edge of Time: a son’s search for his mother by Jeremy Gavron
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I picked this book up at a book rescue not knowing much about it but it definitely drew me to it. The speed in which I read it says something. I did not want to put this book down. Hannah was such a strong woman and so ahead of her time. It made me think of being a woman before now. My grandmother was also ahead of her time. I often thought about my mother who was in the same age group as Hannah. Women were expected to be a certain way and women who chose not to had a difficult road. Unfortunately, Hannah ultimately couldn’t handle it and took her life. She left two young boys and a family that never spoke of her again. This is written by the younger of the boys as he tries to understand his mother and her choice. This book also made me proud of my daughters who are in no hurry to marry and have babies. They are living their lives before they go down this path, if they choose that path I sure wish that I had done so. Hannah’s thesis that was later published is The Captive Wife. I wonder how many of us feel the way this book implies. I think Ii will have to find it and read it. I know I can probably relate. I gave up my life for the “dream” and it was a mistake. Now I am alone, poor, and fifty, trying to figure out how to live my dreams. I will make it as I have made it this far. This book is worth the read. It is not anti-man. It is not anti-marriage. It is more about having the strength to follow your dreams. The women back then had so many more obstacles than we do now. It has improved but many are still there due to our gender. We need to continue to change things for our daughters and granddaughter.

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In A Messy World

“I’m not going to pretend you don’t exist.
Instead, I’ll do something better.
I’ll show you I’m doing alright without you.”

Silly of me to expect so much;
To think you would be different;
That you wouldn’t be the one to leave.

Yet here we are;

You’ve turned out to be like everyone else,
but that’s OK, because I promise you,
I’ll do just fine.

I might even go further than if I had you in my life.

I’ll be flying high,
striving to reach the top…

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…while you remain down there,
looking up and wishing you were here with me;
Wishing you never left.

You think I’ll be weak without you;
I’ll show you the opposite.

So, it’s OK, leave me,
because I’ll do just fine.

“Your first mistake was leaving me.
Your second mistake was giving me the chance
to realize I could live without you.”

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Be Inspired..!!

Do you have the clarity, the willingness, do you have the momentum to not care about what somebody else thinks about what you are doing?

I don’t care, yes, say these to yourself every time a stupid doubt created by others enters your mind. Say these words to yourself every-time someone hurts you, or say mean things to you.

I don’t care.

Its just how I am. I like it this way. Life is so much fun for me.

I don’t care. I am sorry you are upset but I don’t care.

I want your world to be very good but I don’t care.

I would like everything to work for you, but I can’t fix it so I don’t care.

I don’t care about whatever is conditional.

I understand that if I don’t care you no longer want to talk to me. Well, I don’t care.

No, I am…

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Be Inspired..!!

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” ~ Oscar Wilde.

Do you know what it means to love yourself unconditionally? Do you know how to totally accept and embrace yourself fully? Are you facing difficulties with loving yourself?

Listen to your mind talk and you will know things. Chances are that you have been saying more negative than positive things to yourself. If your self-talk is unkind, causes you to feel down and erodes you of your spirit, then you can be said to be having some challenges with feeling good about yourself.  On the contrary, should you love yourself absolutely, you will be supportive, compassionate and not be constantly criticizing yourself. Hence, it is important that you start to observe what you have been saying to yourself. 

Overflowing love comes from consciously choosing to learn with your personal source of spiritual guidance about loving yourself. When your intention is to learn about loving…

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I thought that he had. I thought that the holiday season was ruined for me forever. I used to be one of the crazy holiday loving people that so many people complain about. I would think of the Solstice, Saturnalia, Christmas and just feel bright inside. I loved the music (even the religious ones), the colors, the lights, the cooking, the food, the giving, the receiving, even the crowds. I would wear my Santa hat every day. I felt so alive during the holiday season. The holidays were not always good with the ex-husband. He was a bit of a scrooge and made things more tense than they needed to be but I still loved it every year. That is UNTIL…….

He filed for divorce two weeks after Christmas. We had been having problems for a few years but that Christmas was one of our better ones. He even gave me great gifts. I was sure that things were getting better. I thought that maybe he loved me again. Even our oldest told me that he really loved me and thought things were better for us all.

I felt so betrayed. I felt lied to. I felt that the entire holiday had been a lie. I have not looked forward to it for years.  I have put off the decorating as long as possible. I have dreaded putting  up the tree and seeing the ornaments that remind me of various things in our marriage. I had thought about cancelling my annual party. I went through the motions for my kids but would have been perfectly happy just skipping the celebrations.  I actually have had good Christmases in the past few years but I still dreaded them. BF/ex-boyfriend has been with us for a couple of them.

This year, for some reason, I am more myself. my kiddo/roommate was working today and I brought in the decorations, put on the music and almost finished decorating the house. Last night, I went to Noel Night  in town with my nephew. I am excited for my party. I am excited for the holiday season again. I enjoyed singing the songs while I decorated today. I have my holiday back. I have no idea what changed for me this year but I am happy  about it. This has always been my favorite time of year. I definitely do not have any more money this year, things are not perfect but I can enjoy all the things I love about this time.  I am lucky that all three kids are choosing to spend the holiday with me this year, too. Now I just need snow to make it as perfect as it can be.

“Life can either be something you embrace or something that you hide from” I used to hide, now I embrace

Be Inspired..!!

The only thing standing in your way towards happiness is you; no one else is allowed to set up limits for you but you, nor there should be. No matter what kind of problems you’re dealing with, how old you are or where you live, you deserve to be happy – it’s as simple as that. It’s time to face the fact that you’re in control of your future, and finally do something about it!

  1. Give up unresolved relationships – Every person in the world has their past, and that’s something you can’t change. But, it’s not like you can’t deal with it and move on, right? A huge part of the past that’s dragging us down is usually related to romantic relationships. It’s hard on all of us to accept a certain fact, and stop wondering how all that effort has gone to waste. In order to make room for…

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This morning on the way to work, the traffic was stop and go. I was stopped right past an intersection. When I looked in my rear-view mirror, I thought the gal coming up behind me was going to hit me but she stopped in time. I was relieved. Just a moment later, I  heard a loud crash. I looked up again and saw car parts flying. I saw the car behind me get hit. The car behind her went up pretty high. I thought she was going to be pushed into me. While this was happening, the cars in front of me moved so for a brief split second, I considered going on to work but I just couldn’t do that. If  there had been injuries, I never would have been able to live with myself so instead, I picked up my phone. I called 911 and got out of my car. There were three cars in the accident. Two of the drivers got out of their cars immediately so I checked on the other one, the gal behind me. She was not injured but she was very shaken up. She had her sixteen month old baby in the back seat. He was perfectly fine. He was very happy and playing in his car seat. I quickly checked on everyone else then went back to her. I tried to calm her down and stayed until the police and fire department showed up.

Things could have been much worse. I am sure two of the cars were totaled. The driver that caused the accident was driving  a dealer car from her work. The other was a young man that had never been in an accident before. The gal’s car behind me was the only one that was drive-able after the accident. I am so glad that I didn’t have to use any of my first aid training besides calming them down and making sure the scene was secured and safe. We were lucky that there was a tow truck driver right behind them. He blocked the traffic with his truck so none of us had to direct traffic. I did let the one gal know how to reach me in case she needs to.

All this reminded me that we need to never take things for granted and how things can change in an instant. I was very lucky that she wasn’t pushed into me. Everyone was lucky that they weren’t hurt.